Scrubs - J.D. Quote #581
Dr. Cox: Shower Shortz?
J.D.: For the man who has nothing to hide, but still wants to.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: As a rule of thumb, I don't attend parties where the guest of honor has no idea what's going on.
Ben: That's not true. You remember when you and Jordan first got married, and we went to senile Grandpa Morty's 94th birthday party. Remember the one where he tried to get the coat check girl thrown out 'cause she was loyal to the Kaiser.
Dr. Cox: I appreciate your concern, but you don't understand.
Ben: What don't I understand?
Dr. Cox: Well, do you see all these people here? This is not some kind of senior citizens' slumber party. I mean, if it was, I'd have already put Mr. Fordham's hand in a bowl of warm water, but God bless him, he's gonna go ahead and wet the bed anyway. My, my point is, that if I'm not here, people die.
Ben: "If I'm not here people die." Listen, why don't you just let me take this little mental breakdown of yours and I'm gonna put it right here in my pocket and then that way you can piss off for the afternoon and you can let one of the 9,000 other doctors take care of things around here for you.
Dr. Cox: So you haven't noticed that my supporting cast in this Theater of Hell is a veritable who's who of incompetent puppets?
Quote from Dr. Cox
Ben: I'm glad you made it. Listen, there's one more thing you have to do for me.
Dr. Cox: You can't keep me from getting drunk.
Ben: You have to forgive yourself for everything that went down the other day.
Dr. Cox: God, you're, you're so annoying.
Dr. Cox: OK.
Dr. Cox: [to Ben] Hey, where's your camera? Aren't you gonna take some pictures?
J.D.: Pictures of what?
Dr. Cox: You know, crying babies covered in chocolate. People singing happy birthday to my son who've never met him before. You know, the whole routine.
J.D.: Where do you think we are?
[When Dr. Cox turns around, Ben is no longer there]
Quote from Carla
Carla: I hate him for doing this to me. I don't think he understands that "Espinosa" is more than a name to me. It's my heritage. It's also a candy bar in Ecuador. But mostly it's my heritage. I just don't wanna do this, Dr. Kelso, but I already agreed. What should I do?
Dr. Kelso: Well, Nurse Snickers, until now you've been white noise. But as you've forced me to respond, let me tell you a couple of things that only a few people know. I haven't paid my country club dues since '97, but I still tee off every Wednesday at 8:15 and take a bare ass steam when the last putt drops. But, more importantly, I really don't care about any of you or your problems, and you can confirm that with Ted.
Ted: Don't those Espinosas have nougat?
Quote from My Missed Perception
Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it-lieve it-lieve it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this! It's crazy-talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.
Quote from My Long Goodbye
Dr. Cox: What the hell am I gonna do?
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately for Dr. Cox, that's when Elliot walked by and showcased her oddest talent.
Elliot: Somebody just had a baby.
Dr. Cox: How do you know?
Elliot: My uterus is glowing.
J.D.: My mom had an uterus. I lived in it.
Quote from My Old Friend's New Friend
J.D.: You know, Molly, I appreciate the offer, but there's a very special doctor I use around here when I need help, and he'd be pretty pissed if I didn't come to him first.
Dr. Cox: Why, Mariska? Why do you insist on bothering me with these things?
J.D.: Please, you know you love it. Now, come on, one more time for nostalgia's sake: You come see my patient, you teach me a lesson, and then the music plays, right? In my head, it sounds like this... [hums Scrubs sad melody]
Carla: Dr. Cox, can I borrow you for a minute?
Dr. Cox: Borrow me? Dear heart, you'd be rescuing me. Newbie, you're on your own. Get used to it.
[The Scrubs sad melody plays]
J.D.: [hums along]