Dr. Kelso: Hey, ace. I want you to find my gardener, Hector, a room. He has a mild case of cellulitis, and I need him in tip-top shape by the weekend. I'm having my annual lawn-bowling tournament, and if anyone but Hector cuts my grass, my game goes to heck in a hand-basket.
Dr. Cox: Dammit all, Bob, you know we don't have an extra bed in this dump.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.

J.D.: Well, I better get to work before all the good patients are taken.

Carla: You ever think there's more to Dr. Kelso than we know?
Dr. Cox: Sure, is he in fact a latex-encased robot with real human hair and a circuit board where his heart should be? I can't- I can't rule that out.