Dr. Kelso: [horn blares] That ought to keep those damn crows from crapping on my car all the time.
Ted: I doubt they'll be back, sir. You know, unless someone who comes up here every day, trying to find the courage the jump, passes the time by throwing birdseed on your car's hood.
Dr. Kelso: Stop babbling, Ted. No one's ever listening.

J.D.: Dr. Cox? I could use a little help.
Dr. Cox: Beyonce, you could use a lot of help. But, hey, we all have to play the hand the Big Guy dealt us. You know, unless you're lucky enough to have those insanely over-hyped Queer Eye guys show up at your door, but I doubt even they have the brass ones necessary to fix whatever the hell this is...

J.D.: [v.o.] None of us needed anything. I think owning your burdens is half the battle. Turk knows that he'll eventually have to decide what his priorities really are.
Carla: Baby. Come to bed.
J.D.: [v.o.] And Dr. Cox knows he has to find something else to hang his hat on.
Dr. Cox: You, my friend, are going to be the best baseball player in the world. Which will make me the best baseball player in the world's father. [mimics cheering] Can't you hear it, Jack? Can't you hear it?
J.D.: [v.o.] Still, it's not that daunting if you look around and see what other people have to deal with.
J.D.: Goodnight, Dr. Casey.
Dr. Casey: Night, J.D.