Elliot Quote #212

Quote from Elliot in My Friend the Doctor

Mr. Moran: Young lady, would it brighten your day any if I told you I thought you were the best damn doctor in this hospital?
Elliot: Mr. Moran, why couldn't my father be more like you? I mean, if I had a dollar for every time I got depressed and my dad didn't make me feel better- Actually, he did give me a dollar every time I got depressed. By the end of junior high, I already had a hundred and seventy bucks. And then got mugged and lost it all. But, by the end of that night, of course, I was back up to a dollar.

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 ‘My Friend the Doctor’ Quotes

Quote from Dr. Cox

Carla: You are entering a new phase in your life. Why are you fighting it?
Dr. Cox: I'm not- I'm not fighting anything.
Carla: So, even though you have a full head of hair, you still take Propecia because you like the way it tastes?
Dr. Cox: You know, the other day I found a gray hair in my happy trail.
Carla: Is that the patch of hair that goes from your belly button down to your pe-
Dr. Cox: It is, indeed.
Carla: So? You have a gray happy trail! A lot of women find it distinguished.
Dr. Cox: Carla, I have a six-month-old child. I'm gonna be one of those weird old guys who brings my son down to the park, where everybody is like, "Hmm, is he the dad? Is he the grand-dad? Is he the grand-dad's grand-dad? And, oh, my God! Why is he pushing a traffic cone on the swing while his five-year-old little boy is in the mud crying? Is- Is he taunting the little boy? No! He can't even see the little boy! And, now look, he's actually taking the traffic cone, putting it in the mini-van, and driving away while the little boy cries and the traffic cone sits quietly and watches Finding Nemo on DVD."

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: [British accent] Evenin' governor! What's up your bum?
J.D.: You know why I wanted that to be you in The Fugitive? Because it would mean you used to be a guy who had dreams and ambitions. And even though things didn't work out the way you'd hoped, at least it would explain why you are the way you are and make you human. But instead, it turns out you're nothing more than a a jerk who just likes to mess with people for no reason. [walks away]
Janitor: Kimble! You tell anybody, I'll kill ya.

 Elliot Reid Quotes

Quote from My Dirty Secret

Dr. Kelso: Next contestant, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Mr. Murdock was admitted with a COPD exacerbation; he responded well to antibiotics and bronchial dilators but he did develop a rash on his, um... private area.
Dr. Kelso: Sorry, on his what?
Elliot: His peepers.
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me?
Elliot: His schwing-schwong.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, it's bad enough you run out on a patient in the middle of a pelvic exam. But you are a doctor, and you need to be able to say simple clinical words like "penis," or "vagina," or "anal."
Elliot: "Anal" is not a dirty word, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Tell that to my wife.

Quote from My Boss' Free Haircut

Carla: Thank you so much for letting me stay here, Elliot.
Elliot: Please. And I still have only one rule. I cannot talk or be talked to while I'm on the toilet. And I also cannot talk or be talked to by someone who's on the toilet.
Carla: You told me yesterday, Elliot. I get it.
Elliot: You say you get it and yet you still managed to knock this morning and ask if I wanted coffee.
Carla: Oh, I just thought that-
Elliot: Uh, buh-buh-buh-buh-buh. Pretend that never happened or I won't poo again for two months.