Kylie: So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?
J.D.: Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise. Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
Man: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then I said something stupid.
J.D.: Could be SARS.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lockdown.
[fantasy: Indiana Jones theme plays as sirens blare and doors shutter across the I.C.U. Jordan, now wearing a fedora, dives under the shutter as it closes]
Dr. Cox: What have you done, Newbie?
Danni: [holding a flask] Quarantinis, anyone?

J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.
[fantasy:]
Choir: [singing] My girl wants to party all the time Party all the time
Minister: Yeah! And as you know, J.D. only had two requests. And that is that the choir sing the song that would remind us of how much he loved to party and that he could get one last hug from each of you.
[J.D.'s casket is stood vertically and his arms are spread out]
Elliot: You are the only one I've never faked it with.
Keith: It's true.
Dr. Cox: Hell, I love you, Newbie. I should have done this a long time ago. [hugs J.D.]
J.D.: I knew you loved me. I just had to fake my own death to prove it. He loves me everyone. Can I get an Amen?
All: Amen!
J.D.: Whoo, got him good! [Dr. Cox breaks J.D.'s neck] Worth it.
[reality:]
J.D.: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
J.D.: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.

Dr. Cox: You know I just, uh, I just got off the phone with Jordan, who told me that my son rolled over for the first time.
Elliot: Oh, my God! That's so great!
Dr. Cox: Big who cares! Not about Jack rolling over for the first time, but definitely about your reaction to my son rolling over for the first time. Point being that I missed it because I was here. You might want to get a pen out and write this down, because here comes the inside scoop: The hospital comes first. Always.
Elliot: Always?
Dr. Cox: Forever and ever. And ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.... You getting this? And ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever...

J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, my God. The janitor's afraid of Carla! How could I use this to my advantage?
[fantasy: Carla berates the Janitor:]
Carla: Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do! And bring him a fruit smoothie every day.
Janitor: El gustaría de fresa o guineo? ["Would he like strawberry or banana?"]
J.D.: El coche del árbol morado con queso ["Purple tree car with cheese."]
Janitor: Mentiroso! ["Liar"]
[The Janitor removes the mask to reveal it's J.D.]
J.D.: Feliz Navidad.
[reality:]
J.D.: I'd have to learn Spanish.

Carla: Listen, Stretch, if you know who this belongs to, I'd 'fess up right now. Otherwise, I'm gonna grab you by the back of that two-dollar haircut and force-feed you the sample so you can carry it around all day. That way, if I ever want it back, all I have to do is point you at a beaker and squeeze really hard! Now, you got any more funny jokes you gotta tell me?
Janitor: No, ma'am.