J.D.: Okay, I still wanna refer you to a dermatologist, but it looks benign to me.
Janitor: Benign... Benign-and-a-half.

J.D.: Look... Janitor, I'm gonna be straight with you. I saw your penis and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside in the bushes. Look, it was just a coincidence, man. If you had looked out the window you would have seen my penis.
Janitor: What?! Why?!
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours.

Carla: If you're having dreams about another woman, maybe you're not ready for marriage.
Turk: Baby.
Carla: Just take it. Are you crazy? Baby, it was only a sex dream. Everybody has them. Right, Ted?
Ted: Oh, no, not me. I just have the one dream over and over. I hold his head under the water till the last bubble goes bloop.
Dr. Kelso: Ted. What's the ETA on those Double Stufs?
Ted: Bloop.