Dr. Cox: I have no words.
Dr. Kelso: How about handsome? Or glorious?
Dr. Cox: And this abomination is the reason we can't afford a new computer?
Dr. Kelso: Well, that and the little medical boondoggle I have to go to in Cleveland. And by medical boondoggle, I mean golf weekend. And by Cleveland, I mean Hawaii.
Dr. Cox: Do you have any idea what people around here think of you?
Dr. Kelso: I go to bed some nights wondering. And you know what happens to me, Perry? I fall asleep. And I mean like a log, brother. Anyway, I have to go catch my bus to the airport. And by bus, I mean helicopter.

J.D.: I told you you had nothing to saw.
Janitor: Oh, really? [cut's J.D.'s arm off]
J.D.: Ow, man, give it back.
Janitor: All right. Just tell me why you're hitting yourself. Hmm. Why are you doing that?
[reality:]
Janitor: You ever get the feeling we're thinking the same thing?
J.D.: No.

J.D.: You see that, that right there? That has never happened to me. A hot girl has never asked to buy me a drink. [to the bartender] Appletini, please. Easy on the tini.
Bartender: No problem, lady.