Scrubs - Turk Quote #135

Quote from Turk in My Philosophy

Turk: All right, Ralphie, new tack. I want you to do what I do. I want you to imagine that there are tiny men inside your booty, trying to push the dookie. Push the dookie out, Ralphie. Can you imagine that for me?
[later:]
Man: You told my son there were little men inside him? He barely sleeps as it is.
Turk: Sir, I'm sorry. I was wrong.
Man: That was sick.
Turk: But still, if you could do this for me, I would greatly appreciate it. The next time your son has a bowel movement, take the dookie, put it in a Ziplock bag, and just call me on my cell phone. It's for my girlfriend. Hey, Ralphie. Little men, pushing it out, pushing it out.

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‘My Philosophy’ Quotes

Quote from Nurse Roberts

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, are you off for the day?
Elliot: Oh, I just didn't have a place to change.
Nurse Roberts: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kelso: Laverne, I'm going to pretend you're not wearing that.
Nurse Roberts: Don't you usually wait to get home before you do that?

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Thanks for the pen.
J.D.: Oh, no.
Janitor: Yeah, this was my favorite T-shirt. And this is my favorite skin.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] I guess sometimes my theory about life and death balancing each other out in the hospital doesn't hold true. I guess sometimes you get lucky.
J.D.: What's going on?
Nurse Roberts: She's coding.
[fantasy, all singing:]
Elaine: Any minute now My ship is coming in I'll keep checking the horizon I'll stand on the bow Feel the waves come crashing
Turk: Come crashing down Down, down on me
Janitor: And you say, be still, my love
Carla: Open up your heart Let the light shine in
Dr. Kelso, Ted & Dr. Mitchell: Don't you understand? I already have a plan I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Elaine: My real life to begin
All: Oh, don't you understand? I already have a plan I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Elaine: On a clear day I can see See See See See a very long way.
[reality:]
Dr. Cox: She's gone. You'll be OK?
J.D.: Yeah.

Turk Quotes

Quote from My Advice to You

J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

Quote from My Life in Four Cameras

Carla: Hey, we're missing Sanford and Son.
Turk: What?
Carla: Yes.
J.D.: [v.o.] Turk was freaked out because Carla never joins us on Sanford and Son night or Cheers night. I think it was because she was feeling a little romantically competitive with Kylie and me.
[After Kylie hugs J.D., Carla starts licking Turk's head]
Turk: Woman! Woman, I am not a lollipop! [sings to Sanford and Son theme] Quiet down now, It is time to watch the show, Yes, it started, Don't be lickin' me no mo', Matter of fact, Could you get me a handiwipe?

Quote from My Fault

Turk: What's up with the white people on top?
Carla: Turk, they don't have tiny plastic interracial couples.
Baker: I'll just color it in with some chocolate frosting.
Turk: Oh, that's a great idea. Put 'em in blackface.
Carla: Turk!
Turk: What? While you're at it, why don't you put a string in the back of him, so when you pull it he sings "Mammy"!
Baker: Forget it.
Turk: Where are you going? To the back of the bakery where you keep all the other colored cakes? I'mma call Jesse! And we gonna march on your ass! [licks frosting] Mm.