Elliot: Dr. Kelso, why does everything keep happening to me?
Dr. Kelso: Take a breath, Dr. Reid. In and out. That's it, that's it. Now, you went to four years of college and four years of medical school, so I can safely presume that you are at least eight. My God, little girl, grow up and say how-do to the world of modern medicine. My God, I've been sued four times.
Ted: [whispers] Ten times.

J.D.: Thanks for starting the Solumedrol on my TTP patient. I'm sorry I'm being such a pain about this guy. It's just Dr. Cox and I have this little competition going. And I know that probably seems insensitive to you-
Nurse Roberts: Sweetheart, you don't have to explain yourself to me. But you better get your story straight when you come face-to-face with Jesus.

J.D.: Look, Elliot, my dad's an office supplies salesman, a bad one. So things were a little different for me growing up.
[flashback:]
Sam Dorian: See, this is a bicycle bell. Now, you hold onto this, because I'm gonna give you a different part every year. Maybe after the party we can take it out for a spin.
Young J.D.: Great.
[present:]
J.D.: Still waiting on that kickstand.