Julie: Plomox is the most effective anti-arrhythmic drug on the market right now, and it has minimal side effects. Only nausea, impotence, and anal leakage.
Dr. Cox: I'm getting two out of three just from the conversation.

J.D.: Taking off?
Janitor: Yeah. If that's OK.
J.D.: That's fine.
Janitor: You know, I just wanted to sneak out for an hour and see my kid's fourth-grade play, but you caught me.
J.D.: No. No catchies.
Janitor: No, no, I think you're right. From now on, before I do anything, I'll make sure to run it by you first. Permission to go see my kid's attempt to overcome his crippling shyness by appearing in his fourth grade class's production of Town without a Turkey?
J.D.: I gotta get back to work.
Janitor: Back to work. Message received.

Dr. Cox: There is no one I hate more than that Medusa. She is everything that's wrong with medicine. Even knowing that she's here in the hospital makes me want to tear someone's head off.
Elliot: Dr. Cox, is this a good time? Because I have a teeny-weeny question about Mrs. Kahn's necrotizing fasciitis.
Dr. Cox: For you, Barbie, anything.
Elliot: Super.
Dr. Cox: But first, an interesting side note. I actually had my physical last week, and while my cholesterol was low, my blood pressure was through the roof. Needless to say, my physician was stumped. But now, thank God, you've helped to solve that riddle, because the instant I heard your shrill voice whining about a "teeny-weeny problem," oh, it took every ounce of self-restraint I had to keep blood from shooting out my ears.
Elliot: Doesn't it seem like in the time that it took you to say all that, you could have just helped me instead.
Dr. Cox: Well, yes, it does, but here, that's what makes it delicious.