Jordan: Good job, D.J.
J.D.: You know, it's J.D., okay? And at least I remember the names of all my sexual partners.
Jordan: Well, I'm sure that girl from high school and your bunkmate from Camp Morning Wood are both extremely grateful. Yeah.
J.D.: Camp Meadow Wood. I made a lanyard.

J.D.: [v.o.] Turk should've known that the worst mistake a doctor can make is setting foot in the hospital's free clinic at night.
[montage:]
Turk: I don't care if you do shave down there. That's not even a medical issue. But it sure is pretty.
Turk: Ma'am, you don't have mono. But you do have halitosis. Mint?
Turk: Ma'am, three baby Tylenol is actually an underdose for a woman your size.
Turk: Yes, congratulations, you are double-jointed.

Carla: I know you care about her. In fact, I bet that after you two are done playing racquetball or talking or whatever you crazy kids are calling it, you'd like nothing better than to just lie there and watch her sleep.
Dr. Cox: Carla, it's impossible to actually lie next to Jordan seeing as she sleeps hanging upside down from the ceiling wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.
Carla: That's nice.