J.D. Quote #191
Quote from J.D. in My Way or the Highway
J.D.: [v.o.] Here's the problem with a surgical consult. I think Mr. Hoffner should be treated medically, but any surgeon is going to want to slice and dice him. You see, surgical and medical interns are like two rival gangs. Not real gangs. More like those cheesy gangs you see in Broadway musicals.
[fantasy: J.D., Elliot and the medical doctors, Turk and the surgeons dance towards each other in the corridor]
All: Surgical, medical, surgical, yeah!
J.D.: [v.o.] Still, I knew there was one surgical intern I could count on.
J.D.: [singing] If you have some moles I will inspect them
Turk: [singing] I'll remove tumours from your brain to your rectum
Both: [singing] Between the two of us there is no wall We're a surgeon and a doc Above it all A surgeon and a doc Above it All
Features in the collection: J.D.'s Best Fantasies.
Scrubs Quotes
‘J.D.'s Best Fantasies’
Quote from J.D. in My Quarantine
Kylie: So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?
J.D.: Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise. Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
Man: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then I said something stupid.
J.D.: Could be SARS.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lockdown.
[fantasy: Indiana Jones theme plays as sirens blare and doors shutter across the I.C.U. Jordan, now wearing a fedora, dives under the shutter as it closes]
Dr. Cox: What have you done, Newbie?
Danni: [holding a flask] Quarantinis, anyone?
Quote from J.D. in My Words of Wisdom
J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.
[fantasy:]
Choir: [singing] My girl wants to party all the time Party all the time
Minister: Yeah! And as you know, J.D. only had two requests. And that is that the choir sing the song that would remind us of how much he loved to party and that he could get one last hug from each of you.
[J.D.'s casket is stood vertically and his arms are spread out]
Elliot: You are the only one I've never faked it with.
Keith: It's true.
Dr. Cox: Hell, I love you, Newbie. I should have done this a long time ago. [hugs J.D.]
J.D.: I knew you loved me. I just had to fake my own death to prove it. He loves me everyone. Can I get an Amen?
All: Amen!
J.D.: Whoo, got him good! [Dr. Cox breaks J.D.'s neck] Worth it.
[reality:]
J.D.: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
J.D.: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.
‘My Way or the Highway’ Quotes
Quote from Doug
Dr. Kelso: Who gets to tell us the symptoms of Ménière's disease? Dr. Murphy?
Doug: Can you use it in a sentence?
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Sorry to interrupt you there, but I gotta ask you a quick question. Now, when you were born, nay, spawned by the Dark Prince himself, did that rat bastard forget to give you a hug before he sent you along your way? Because you can't just let two good nurses go on account of feeling small and insignificant. And besides, with your money, you ought to be able to keep a man tucked away in the closet and bring him out when you want to knock him around, huh? As you were.
Quote from Elliot
Sean: I guess the truth is that I don't go out a lot, you know? I always seem to put my foot in my mouth.
Elliot: I'd let you put your foot in my mouth.
Sean: What?
Elliot: I said I'd let you put your foot in my mouth.
Sean: Oh, that's weird.
Elliot: I know.