J.D.: My dad flaked on me again.
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry. Um, you're not on drugs, are you?
J.D.: What? No.
Dr. Cox: Are you in jail? Have you been beaten? Are you malnourished?
J.D.: I skipped lunch, but I've been snacking all day.
Dr. Cox: You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps crying about how horrible his father was.
J.D.: Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so...
Dr. Cox: Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage. And from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if some guy ever does put a ring on your finger, and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster, I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, trust me when I tell you that I wouldn't care if today was the first time you ever even met your daddy. Because in reality, well, he could've done a much, much worse job, okay.

Dr. Kelso: Great job at rounds today, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Thank you, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Your dad must've been very impressed.
Elliot: Yeah, I think so. I could tell that he respected you, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Well, that's very nice, but lucky for me, my self-esteem isn't tied up in that kind of poppycock. You see, I didn't become a doctor to impress my daddy or anyone else. I did it for me. I've seen lots of doctors get into this for the wrong reason. You know what happens to them?
Elliot: No.
Dr. Kelso: They quit and get their real estate licence. You look upset, sweetheart. You shouldn't be. I think you'd look super in a gold blazer.
Elliot: Thank you.
Dr. Kelso: This is almost too easy.

J.D.: Can I help you, sir? Sir?
Janitor's Father: You can help me by minding your own damn business.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Janitor's Father: Oh, aggressive, huh? Do you really want to get it on with me, pipsqueak? Because if you do, I guarantee it'll be the last stupid thing you ever do on God's green earth.
J.D.: Nice meeting you.
J.D.: [v.o.] What the hell was that all about?
Janitor: Dad, don't wander off like that.