Dr. Cox Quote #70
Dr. Cox: Ah, dammit! Dammit. Dammit. So close. Dammit! [sighs] I'm sorry. I'll be fine. [sighs] Perfect game. Call it.
Elliot: There's five minutes left. It's just the two of us here. Can't we just wait?
Dr. Cox: Just call it.
Elliot: No. We all need this. So, no, I won't call it.
Dr. Cox: You know, that's probably the dumbest thing anybody's said to me around here in a long time. There's nothing wrong with a one-hitter, there, Barbie. In fact, it's miraculous. And I won't have you, of all people, cheapen what should be an endless pursuit of perfection just because you want the world to laugh with you tonight. Now call it.
Elliot: Time of death, 11.55.
Dr. Cox: Good girl. Better go get yourself a cup of coffee. New game starts in four minutes.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Elliot: Dr. Cox, you can trust me to help you. I was top five in my class.
Dr. Cox: [buzzer sound] That's the noise I make when somebody lies to me.
Elliot: Okay, I was eight. But I can do this. I'll get us this perfect-
Dr. Cox: Don't say it!
Dr. Cox: What part of "don't say it" did you not understand? Was it the "don't" or the "say it"? Help me to help you, Barbie. Help me to help you. Help me to help you. Help me to help you.
Quote from Dr. Cox
J.D.: Something's going down.
Dr. Cox: Alright, bring it in here, you knuckleheads. Take a knee if you need to, you confoundits. I have been on since midnight, so I stand here with my usual contempt for all of you, but with the added wrinkle of having 13 cups of Nurse Robert's piss-poor excuse for coffee passing pretty much straight through me. The not-so-hidden message being, of course, that if you screw up today, I'm going to hit you hard and fast.
Quote from Janitor
[J.D. walks out of the elevator as the Janitor mops the floor]
J.D.: What? I didn't say anything. I didn't do anything. What imaginary slight have you concocted in that paranoid brain of yours?
[The Janitor looks down to the trail of muddy footprints trailing J.D.]
J.D.: [v.o.] Crap.
J.D.: Well, shouldn't there be some sort of sign... Oh, look at that. Well, you should put it back down before someone slips and falls.
Janitor: Oh, is that what I should do? Good, because I make most decisions based on your opinion. You know what, I'm thinking of splitting up with the wife. Maybe you could mull that over, get back to me, maybe pow-wow. [a woman slips] Floor's wet, ma'am. Little help over here. Little help.
Quote from My Student
J.D.: [v.o.] It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. I guess the thing I can do is to think of someone I look up to, and remember how they got through to me.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact the wall on which you're leaning. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know. Here it's a conundrum.
Quote from My Life in Four Cameras
J.D.: What the hell are we supposed to do?
Dr. Cox: Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV-induced panic there is. Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, monkey pox, Pop Rocks, toilet snakes, mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, and, quite frankly, every other flu that you could really only catch if you actually fornicate with the animal it's named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this. Narrow it down to two symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, because it's just not E. coli unless it's firing out both exits.
J.D.: Sure hope I don't have dog flu.
Quote from My Big Mouth
Dr. Cox: You're gonna love this one. Twenty-five-year-old woman, dancer, actually. Well, not anymore. I'm afraid we had to take both of her legs. Bilateral gangrene. And seeing as her husband recently passed away, and her insurance at the dancers' union probably is not going to cover it, you should go ahead and tell her she won't be able to stay here with us for her rehab.
Elliot: Um, what room is she in?
Dr. Cox: There is no room. In fact, in the history of medicine, there's never actually been a patient that depressing. I made her up! Come on, now, Barbie. You keep going down this road, you're gonna go up to the roof and jump the hell off. Mind you, it's only five stories high, so that means you'll just wind up back down here, where I, of course, will be the one who has to treat you. And then I'll be forced to jump off the roof, which, as I was suggesting to you, is only five stories high. And are you starting to see a pattern forming here?