Dr. Cox: I'm assuming, since you already went ahead and took everything else, that you're here for my self-respect, but there's bad news on that one, sweet-cheeks. I already gave it to your mom when she begged me to marry you. [laughs]
Jordan: Oh, I wouldn't have room for it, what with your testicles in my trophy case.
Dr. Cox: Holy cow. Who's better? You got me by the short hairs.
Jordan: See ya.

J.D.: [v.o.] Still, there are some traditions I enjoy. Like Nurse Tisdale's 9.15 cup of coffee.
[fantasy: Nurse Tisdale walking towards J.D. in a bikini]
Elliot: Carla, what time is it?
Carla: Oh, I don't know but I'm guessing it's about 9.15 ish.
J.D.: Oh, this thing! Who put this up?
Janitor: I did. I drove round the whole city before my 5am shift, just looking for that. Trying to add a little cheer. [laughs] You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year.
J.D.: I've only worked here for three months.

J.D.: [v.o.] Childbirth has been so romanticised. I guess because if people knew the truth...
[fantasy: a public information video from the '50s:]
Narrator: [v.o.] Congratulations! You're expecting. Don't worry, your doctor will tell you everything you need to know. Hi, doctor.
J.D.: You'll fart, pee, puke and poop in front of ten complete strangers who'll be staring intently at your vagina, which, by the way, has an 80% chance of tearing.
Woman: You do it.
[reality:]
J.D.: [v.o.] Still, no matter what the realities, the end result is always the same.
J.D.: Oh, look at the baby.
Male Doctor: [with narrator's voice] It's a bouncing baby boy. Yet another soldier in the fight against Communism!