Elliot Quote #38
Mr. Davis: I'm really uncomfortable.
Elliot: I'm so sorry.
Mr. Davis: You're not gonna hug me, are you?
Elliot: Believe me, I'm done with all that.
Mr. Davis: If it'll make you feel better, I hate this whole touchy-feely culture anyway.
Elliot: Thank you.
Mr. Davis: I mean, that whole "kiss hello" thing.
Elliot: Yeah, I don't want anyone touching me unless we have sex. And even then I don't want them to overdo it.
Mr. Davis: So where in Connecticut are you from?
Elliot: Greenwich. You?
Mr. Davis: Darien.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: [to the tune of Big Ben chimes] Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong.
Quote from Carla
Carla: You better watch it, Bambi. You don't want a 100lb white girl mad at you. You'll flinch every time you hear a Range Rover.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: So, I have been looking at Dr. Benson's chart. His chest x-ray was normal, his vitals are stable, so let's discharge him.
Dr. Cox: Well, now hold the phone there, skipper. Now, Dr. Benson should be able to stay here until he feels he's ready to go. I mean, give me a break, he was only Chief of Medicine for ten years.
Dr. Kelso: Well, I haven't had my coffee yet, so I'm finding it hard coming up with a more colorful way to say "Who gives a crap?" Actually, that wasn't half bad.
Quote from My Dirty Secret
Dr. Kelso: Next contestant, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Mr. Murdock was admitted with a COPD exacerbation; he responded well to antibiotics and bronchial dilators but he did develop a rash on his, um... private area.
Dr. Kelso: Sorry, on his what?
Elliot: His peepers.
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me?
Elliot: His schwing-schwong.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, it's bad enough you run out on a patient in the middle of a pelvic exam. But you are a doctor, and you need to be able to say simple clinical words like "penis," or "vagina," or "anal."
Elliot: "Anal" is not a dirty word, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Tell that to my wife.
Quote from My Boss' Free Haircut
Carla: Thank you so much for letting me stay here, Elliot.
Elliot: Please. And I still have only one rule. I cannot talk or be talked to while I'm on the toilet. And I also cannot talk or be talked to by someone who's on the toilet.
Carla: You told me yesterday, Elliot. I get it.
Elliot: You say you get it and yet you still managed to knock this morning and ask if I wanted coffee.
Carla: Oh, I just thought that-
Elliot: Uh, buh-buh-buh-buh-buh. Pretend that never happened or I won't poo again for two months.
Quote from My Friend the Doctor
Mr. Moran: Young lady, would it brighten your day any if I told you I thought you were the best damn doctor in this hospital?
Elliot: Mr. Moran, why couldn't my father be more like you? I mean, if I had a dollar for every time I got depressed and my dad didn't make me feel better- Actually, he did give me a dollar every time I got depressed. By the end of junior high, I already had a hundred and seventy bucks. And then got mugged and lost it all. But, by the end of that night, of course, I was back up to a dollar.