Elliot: Since your jaw is wired shut, we're going to give you IV nutrition for a couple of days, OK? Oh, sorry, you can't answer. It's like going to the dentist. I hate when they ask you questions and you have that stuff in your mouth, don't you? Oh, my God, I did it again. Dr. Greenberg. Doctor? What kind of doctor are you? I keep doing it. Okay, okay. Just act it out. Head? Shrinking. A shrink! You're a shrink. Wow, I can't imagine picking psychiatry as a specialty after interning as a real doctor. That didn't come out right. It's just my dad. He's a doctor too. He says therapy is for people with more money than problems. But then my dad says a lot of things.
Nurse: Did anyone page a nurse?
Elliot: No.
Nurse: It looks like his eyes are screaming.
Elliot: Please, we're talking. Where was I?

Dr. Cox: Hey, you should enjoy this while you can, Bobby. Because if your evil genie does grant your wish, and I disappear, the only person you'll have left to contend with will be yourself. And when you really get to know that person, oh, dear God, you'll scream so loud, Satan will want to rip up the contract you signed at birth just so he can get some sleep.
Dr. Kelso: Look at you with your stiff upper lip. I think I'm gonna miss that the most. [sings] Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily...

Carla: Look, you wanted to spend the whole night together. I can't leave my mother alone. She's frail.
[Carla's mother storms into the room with a cane]
Mrs. Espinonsa: [yells in Spanish]
Turk: Baby, tell her to put the cane down!
Carla: Mama, [speaks Spanish]
Turk: Tell her to put the cane down!
Carla: She doesn't want me to have men here because I'm unmarried.
Turk: Well, tell her I needed a place to crash. She doesn't have to know we had sex all night.
Carla: She speaks English.
Turk: Then what the hell are you translating for?
Carla: Because you don't speak Spanish!
Turk: Oh, ola!
Mrs. Espinonsa: No! No!
Turk: Tell her to put the cane down.