Dr. Cox: So you're the one who told Kelso that Mr. Martinez was dead? That's terrific work.
J.D.: [v.o.] Looks like word gets around.
Dr. Cox: What in the name of "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret" were you thinking?
J.D.: Well, I'm new here but I'm relatively certain that invasive vascular procedures have a low success rate on dead people.
Dr. Cox: That TIPS procedure was for Mrs. Blitt down in 103. You see, she doesn't have insurance. Mr. Martinez, on the other hand, had great insurance. Should I talk slower or get a nurse who speaks fluent Moron?
J.D.: You don't have to be, like, mean about it.
Dr. Cox: Well, geez, Newbie. Just what in the hell do you want from me?
[fantasy: home movie of J.D. and Dr. Cox playing catch]
Dr. Cox: I don't know if they taught you this in the land of fairies and puppy-dog tails where you obviously, if not grew up, then at least spent most of your summers, but you're in the real world now, okay?

J.D.: [v.o.] I know it sounds melodramatic, but as I watched the two of them, they weren't battling for patients or for insurance, but for my soul.
Dr. Cox: She needed the TIPS...
Dr. Kelso: I've got you this time. I can taste it!
J.D.: [v.o.] It's an old story, really. Good versus bad. Right versus wrong. The dark side versus the light.
[fantasy: Dr. Kelso as Darth Vader and Dr. Cox as Obi-Wan Kenobi battle as the others, also in Star Wars costumes, watch:]
Dr. Kelso: I've been waiting for this moment all my life.
Turk: Easy, Chewie.
Janitor: [groans]
Dr. Kelso: I'll teach you to respect this institution.
Dr. Cox: I hope you learn from this.
J.D.: No!

Turk: Yo, Elliot, check out these ass slides.
Elliot: Oh, my God. How does that stuff even get up there?
[montage:]
Man: I fell on it.
Woman: I fell on it.
Man: I fell on it.
Man: I was bored.
[present:]
Nurse Roberts: The doctors in the ER have a box where they keep all this junk.
Turk: Is that, like, next to the Lost and Found Box?
Nurse Roberts: Lost and Found box? There's no Lost and Found Box. There's an Ass Box.