Dr. Kelso Quote #468
Quote from Dr. Kelso in Our Dear Leaders
Turk: Yo, somebody's parked in my spot.
Dr. Cox: Boo-hoo.
Dr. Kelso: It takes me eleven minutes to pee.
Turk: Do you guys know who "Doc X-treme" is?
Dr. Cox: Russell Vaughn surgeon, best-selling author, wrote some book about doctoring in the third world called "Rebel Without a Co-pay."
Russell Vaughn: [to gathered nurses] What am I supposed to do? "Take the bullet out of his mistress' jaw or take a bullet of your own." I did the surgery. Then he shot me anyway. By the way, that mistress is now my wife.
Dr. Kelso: Yeah he is a bit of a douche, but every time he shows up here, he raises millions for the hospital. And he has nailed some top-shelf international strange.
Scrubs Quotes
‘Our Dear Leaders’ Quotes
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Denise: So you're too good to assist Russell now?
Turk: No, I am the chief of surgery. I am no one's secretary.
Dr. Kelso: Secretary? He's asking you to help him with a tricky surgery.
Turk: Sir, do you just hang around, waiting for conversations to weigh in on?
Dr. Kelso: Yeah. That and my judge shows get me through the day. Now, look, good leaders don't care about their ego. If all you want to do is get massaged, I've got the number of a girl who will take you to the mountaintop.
Denise: God, you are a nasty old man.
Dr. Kelso: Thanks, dear. Turkleton, let me cut to the quick. Either you get into that surgery, pucker up and start kissing Russell's ass so he continues to raise giant sums of money for this hospital, which helps everyone, or you can continue to act like a what was that, dear?
Denise: Tiny girl bitch.
Dr. Kelso: That's right. Either way, it's your call, chief.
Turk: Sir, you're so happy you're not the chief anymore, aren't you?
Dr. Kelso: Every second.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: [to Cole] What in the heck do you have on the bottom of those sneakers, champ? Are are those wheels? Would you show me your glide? Go ahead. Roll on out. Get your glide on.
Lucy: [v.o.] Dr. Cox was scary when he was in his regular mood, but him in a good mood was utterly terrifying.
Dr. Cox: Are you all dying to know why I'm in such a festive mood?
Drew: Because you're about to do something horrible to us?
Dr. Cox: Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Drew, you and your worthless classmates have just won an all-expenses paid trip to Hell Week. Six days and seven nights of tests, term papers and group projects. By the end of the week, one of you is going to have a psychotic break. How darn good is it to be me right about now? "Just this side of fabulous" is the answer. Just this side of fabulous.
Quote from Turk
Lucy: [v.o.] As much as Dr. Cox loved torturing us, Dr. Turk enjoyed all the perks of being chief of surgery.
Todd: T-dawg! Looking-good five!
Turk: Where's my pastry?
Denise: Too sugary.
Turk: Hey, nothing's too sugary, woman.
Denise: Tell that to your diabetes. So you worked hard all these years to become chief of surgery just so people would kiss your ass?
Turk: No, I get a parking spot, too. Plus, I get to nickname people whatever I want. Hey, what's up, Mac and cheese? Oh, snap! Ham and cheese! Oh, rainmaker in the house! What's happenin'?