Dr. Kelso Quote #398
Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Dumb Luck
Dr. Kelso: 1985 was gonna be my year. Reaganomics was in full swing, Enid's implants hadn't exploded yet. And best of all, they made me Chief of Medicine, so I was the king, right? Wrongo. I realized fast that in order to keep this whole place going, I had to make one unpopular decision after another, regardless of who hated me for it. And that was a lonely realization, son. And here comes my biggest fan.
Dr. Cox: Bob, there is finally a diagnosis on Mr. McCray. He has Acute Intermittent Porphyria. Now, his insurance company wants him discharged immediately, I'd like to fudge the paperwork a little bit, keep him around longer and teach him how to manage his disease.
Dr. Kelso: No.
Dr. Cox: I realize that your heart is made up mostly of muffin bits, the souls of little babies, and the denture grip you swallow every time you suck your teeth to get out the muffin bits and baby souls stuck in there, but what do you care? You're not even going to be around anymore!
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, I'm still Chief! Now, if you wanna fudge the paperwork, I want a promise from you that you will publish a paper on the case. Deal?
Dr. Cox: Uh, deal.
Dr. Kelso: He'll never publish a paper on that case. He knows just how to play me. Sure, he likes to pretend that I win more than he does, but he walks away victorious more often than not.
Scrubs Quotes
‘My Dumb Luck’ Quotes
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: So, have you killed anyone yet?
Boon: What? No.
Dr. Kelso: Well, you will.
Boon: Super.
Dr. Kelso: It's a rite of passage for doctors. If you're lucky, it'll be a patient who's on his way out anyway. My first kill was a 19-year-old girl. She came in with severe abdominal pain. I thought it was appendicitis. Turned out, she was pregnant and didn't know it. It was ectopic and she was bleeding internally. I should have checked for that. But by the time I discovered my mistake, it was too late. Sometimes I look at this old hospital, I actually see the faces of all the patients I've lost. Booga, booga, booga!
Boon: Aah!
Dr. Kelso: [laughs] Priceless. But I do see them sometimes.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Board Member: Well, Bob, your employees really stood by you. They pointed out to the board that-
Mr. Mandelbaum: Hey.
Board Member: Well, you run a tight ship. And actually, we'd like you to stay on.
Dr. Kelso: Girls, thank you for saving my job. The one thing I wanted was to end things on my own terms, and since you're letting me, you can shove it up your ass, Rodney. I'm out of here.
[Dr. Kelso takes the portrait of himself]
Dr. Kelso: I'm taking this with me, dammit. Thanks for everything, Ted. Sincerely.
Ted: You're welcome, sir.
Elliot: I'm wonder if he even cared about this place at all.
Boon: Yeah. He did.
Quote from Janitor
Janitor: Okay, I'll support Kelso. But in return, I want you to put me in a full body cast and take me to the airport. I'll explain later.
Carla: Why would we do that?
Janitor: Because I'm the bigger's mover/shaker in this dump. Come on.
Elliot: You handle this. And be nice.
Carla: All right. Are you familiar with the term "delusions of grandeur"?
Janitor: I believe I coined that term. Look, I'm a simple, unassuming janitor who can control people's actions with his mind. Observe. Explode! If that would have worked, it would have freaked you out. You'd have loved it! Fall. [an elderly person falls over] Hello?