J.D. Quote #1048
Quote from J.D. in My Missed Perception
Elliot: Hey, check this chart out. This guy says he's been in pain for three months.
J.D.: [v.o.] For doctors, pain is complicated. Every patient handles it differently, depending on their race.
[A Japanese man with a blade stuck in his shoulder]
Man: Does what hurt?
J.D.: [v.o.] Gender.
[A man holding his wife's hand as she gives birth]
Man: Ow! I just bit the inside of my lip. Nothing has ever hurt so badly.
J.D.: [v.o.] Or even their sex life.
[A latex-covered man with multiple piercings]
Man: Oh, yeah! That feels good!
J.D.: [v.o.] And since there's no good way to truly gauge how much pain someone's in, we have to rely on an archaic chart.
Elliot: Mr. Peele, you're about a seven on the pain chart. Yep, you're a seven.
Mr. Peele: What's a 10?
[The Todd screams as he swings by the window, hanging from the roof by his banana hammock]
J.D.: That's a 10.
Scrubs Quotes
‘My Missed Perception’ Quotes
Quote from J.D.
Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it-lieve it-lieve it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this! It's crazy-talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: Miss Brooks, your blood work looks fine. But I'd like to take one more sample, just for me.
[J.D. bites into the patients neck with his fangs and spits the blood out into a tube]
J.D.: You taste a little anemic. Get that down to the lab, buddy.
Keith: Right away, Dr. Acula.
J.D.: It's what they call me. How you doing?
[reality:]
J.D.: The end.
Turk: So Dr. Acula is a doctor and a vampire?
J.D.: He's both. And at the very end, I'm gonna put "Dr. Acula" across the screen, take that period, get it out of there, squish it together, it'll say "Dracula."
Turk: That is an awesome ending!
J.D.: Um, thank you for telling me what I already know, Turk.
Quote from J.D.
Dr. Kelso: I heard Mrs. Wilk gave you the axe.
J.D.: She said, "I've led a great life," and every doctor in the world knows that's code for "I'm ready to die."
Dr. Kelso: How old do you think I am, Dorian?
J.D.: [v.o.] Okay, there's no way to answer and not get in trouble. Change the subject.
J.D.: Sir, I would be honored if you and Enid would join me on Sunday for some homemade jambalaya.
Dr. Kelso: Well, it would be good for Enid to get out of the house.
J.D.: [v.o.] My God! He's thinking about it. Change the subject back!
J.D.: You're 78, sir.
Dr. Kelso: You think I'm that old?
J.D.: Jambalaya.