Dr. Cox Quote #175

Quote from Dr. Cox in My Big Mouth

Dr. Cox: You're gonna love this one. Twenty-five-year-old woman, dancer, actually. Well, not anymore. I'm afraid we had to take both of her legs. Bilateral gangrene. And seeing as her husband recently passed away, and her insurance at the dancers' union probably is not going to cover it, you should go ahead and tell her she won't be able to stay here with us for her rehab.
Elliot: Um, what room is she in?
Dr. Cox: There is no room. In fact, in the history of medicine, there's never actually been a patient that depressing. I made her up! Come on, now, Barbie. You keep going down this road, you're gonna go up to the roof and jump the hell off. Mind you, it's only five stories high, so that means you'll just wind up back down here, where I, of course, will be the one who has to treat you. And then I'll be forced to jump off the roof, which, as I was suggesting to you, is only five stories high. And are you starting to see a pattern forming here?

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 ‘My Big Mouth’ Quotes

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: What's up?
J.D.: [v.o.] Be careful here. Don't give him anything.
J.D.: Nothing. What is up with you, man?
Janitor: I always get this way in the fall. You know, summer's gone, the days are shorter. It just makes me feel so... What's the word?
J.D.: Sad?
Janitor: Yes, that's it. I'm a janitor, so I couldn't think of the word "sad." I was going to say "it makes me feel so mop."
J.D.: Let me explain. I-
Janitor: Go ahead. I'm mopping.
J.D.: Maybe I shouldn't bother.
Janitor: Maybe you mopn't.

Quote from Carla

J.D.: Rough day, huh? Well, maybe it would help to share with someone.
Carla: OK, you want in? You want me to open up?
J.D.: I think I can handle it.
Carla: Fine.
[fantasy: Carla peels back her forehead, revealing a white, glowing source of heat:]
Carla: I don't like the way I look, I don't like the way I think, I don't like the way I feel about how I look and think.
[Carla's brain shoots a heat ray at J.D.'s face, which melts]
Carla: I have too much hair, my boobs are too low, my butt is too big, and I am too short.
[reality:]
Carla: Plus, I woke up and cried because I thought I was getting wrinkles, but it turns out I just fell asleep on Turk's corduroy pants.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] And some teams never really seem to get together.
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I'm so glad I caught you-
Dr. Cox: And there it is again. That ringing in my ears. It's kind of an "aaaaaaay", but it's more piercing like an "eeeeeeeee".
J.D.: She's just trying to ask you a question.
Dr. Cox: Now, you, you're more of a low-pitched "ooh-gah-ooh-gah-ooh-gah". It's more masculine, which, quite frankly, is surprising, considering the source, but make no mistake, oh, just equally annoying. Luckily, though, I know how to make the pain go away. [exits] Ah, much better.

 Dr. Perry Cox Quotes

Quote from My Student

J.D.: [v.o.] It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. I guess the thing I can do is to think of someone I look up to, and remember how they got through to me.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact the wall on which you're leaning. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know. Here it's a conundrum.

Quote from My Life in Four Cameras

J.D.: What the hell are we supposed to do?
Dr. Cox: Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV-induced panic there is. Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, monkey pox, Pop Rocks, toilet snakes, mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, and, quite frankly, every other flu that you could really only catch if you actually fornicate with the animal it's named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this. Narrow it down to two symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, because it's just not E. coli unless it's firing out both exits.
J.D.: Sure hope I don't have dog flu.

Quote from My First Day

Dr. Cox: Did you actually just page me to find out how much Tylenol to give to Mrs. Lenzer?
J.D.: I was worried it could exacerbate the patient's...
Dr. Cox: It's regular-strength Tylenol. Here's what you do. Get her to open her mouth, take a handful and throw it at her. Whatever sticks, that's the correct dosage.
J.D.: But I...
Dr. Cox: And under no circumstances are you to compromise our no-talking agreement.