Scrubs - Dr. Cox Quote #115
J.D.: My dad flaked on me again.
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry. Um, you're not on drugs, are you?
J.D.: What? No.
Dr. Cox: Are you in jail? Have you been beaten? Are you malnourished?
J.D.: I skipped lunch, but I've been snacking all day.
Dr. Cox: You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps crying about how horrible his father was.
J.D.: Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so...
Dr. Cox: Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage. And from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if some guy ever does put a ring on your finger, and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster, I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, trust me when I tell you that I wouldn't care if today was the first time you ever even met your daddy. Because in reality, well, he could've done a much, much worse job, okay.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: Great job at rounds today, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Thank you, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Your dad must've been very impressed.
Elliot: Yeah, I think so. I could tell that he respected you, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Well, that's very nice, but lucky for me, my self-esteem isn't tied up in that kind of poppycock. You see, I didn't become a doctor to impress my daddy or anyone else. I did it for me. I've seen lots of doctors get into this for the wrong reason. You know what happens to them?
Dr. Kelso: They quit and get their real estate licence. You look upset, sweetheart. You shouldn't be. I think you'd look super in a gold blazer.
Elliot: Thank you.
Dr. Kelso: This is almost too easy.
Quote from Janitor
J.D.: Can I help you, sir? Sir?
Janitor's Father: You can help me by minding your own damn business.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Janitor's Father: Oh, aggressive, huh? Do you really want to get it on with me, pipsqueak? Because if you do, I guarantee it'll be the last stupid thing you ever do on God's green earth.
J.D.: Nice meeting you.
J.D.: [v.o.] What the hell was that all about?
Janitor: Dad, don't wander off like that.
Quote from Carla
Turk: Hey, Mom, guess what.
Carla: Hi, Mrs. Turk, I'm gonna cut right to the chase. I'm Carla and I apologize if your son hasn't told you about me. Honestly, I don't know how you've put up with him as long as you did. Still, you should know he loves me very much, I feel the same and we're really good together.
Margaret Turk: Are you two sharing a bed?
Carla: Yes, ma'am, we are. But if you're a good judge of character, I think you can tell I'm not messing around.
Quote from My Student
J.D.: [v.o.] It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. I guess the thing I can do is to think of someone I look up to, and remember how they got through to me.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact the wall on which you're leaning. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know. Here it's a conundrum.
Quote from My Life in Four Cameras
J.D.: What the hell are we supposed to do?
Dr. Cox: Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV-induced panic there is. Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, monkey pox, Pop Rocks, toilet snakes, mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, and, quite frankly, every other flu that you could really only catch if you actually fornicate with the animal it's named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this. Narrow it down to two symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, because it's just not E. coli unless it's firing out both exits.
J.D.: Sure hope I don't have dog flu.
Quote from My Big Mouth
Dr. Cox: You're gonna love this one. Twenty-five-year-old woman, dancer, actually. Well, not anymore. I'm afraid we had to take both of her legs. Bilateral gangrene. And seeing as her husband recently passed away, and her insurance at the dancers' union probably is not going to cover it, you should go ahead and tell her she won't be able to stay here with us for her rehab.
Elliot: Um, what room is she in?
Dr. Cox: There is no room. In fact, in the history of medicine, there's never actually been a patient that depressing. I made her up! Come on, now, Barbie. You keep going down this road, you're gonna go up to the roof and jump the hell off. Mind you, it's only five stories high, so that means you'll just wind up back down here, where I, of course, will be the one who has to treat you. And then I'll be forced to jump off the roof, which, as I was suggesting to you, is only five stories high. And are you starting to see a pattern forming here?