
‘My Way Home’
Season 5, Episode 7 - Aired January 24, 2006
On the 100th episode of Scrubs, J.D. gets called in on his day off and tries to find his way home, Turk tries to convince a family to take their son off life support so he donate his heart, Elliot tries to find the brains to host a Q&A on endocrinology, and Carla tries to find the courage to be a parent.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] A hospital can sometimes feel like a magical place, where people's hopes and dreams are often far from ordinary. Whether they're looking for brains, a heart or courage. As for me, I was just gonna keep on following that yellow line, and hope I'd eventually get back home.
Quote from Janitor
Dr. Cox: Hey, you. Where's my son?
Janitor: He's playing with the birds out on the ledge.
Carla: [gasps] What?!
Janitor: I'm kidding! Come on. He's green.
Dr. Cox: Come on.
Janitor: The little nipper got ahold of a paint gun when I was painting this line to the smokers' lounge. Thanks to him, I got halfway down.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: You look familiar. You ever play ball in Pennsylvania? Pepe?
Quote from Turk
Turk: Mr. Bolger, look, before you throw me out of here I just want to apologize about earlier. I don't know what I was thinking. But rest assured, from here on out, whatever you ask me, I'll be completely honest with you.
Mr. Bolger: Do you shave your head because you like the way it looks or you're going bald?
Turk: Bald.
Mr. Bolger: OK, next question.
Turk: With all those topical treatments, let's just say I wasn't completely functional.
Mr. Bolger: Why are all the surgical residents being so relentless about my son's heart?
Turk: Because whichever one of us convinces you to pull the plug and donate his heart gets to assist in the transplant.
Mr. Bolger: You're talking about my son here. And you don't even know him.
Turk: What's his name?
Mr. Bolger: Ray.
Turk: How you doing, Ray? Now ask me if I think it's the right thing to do, even if you request that I don't assist.
Mr. Bolger: Do you?
Turk: Yes. I'm really sorry.
Quote from Elliot
J.D.: Look, Elliot, you know how people become specialists? They obsess about the material over and over again until it's become lodged into their brains. And that's exactly what you've been doing. Watch. Where's the closest page you've hidden around here? You are good! All right, look. What's the leading differential in an obese woman suffering from amenorrhea and hirsutism?
Elliot: Polycystic ovaries. Oh, my God. I knew it! Up here!
Quote from Turk
Turk: Sir, I was watching that.
Dr. Kelso: Well, why don't I just tell you what happened? Uncle Philip gets Webster the dog despite George's and Mam's objections. It was good. Now, on your feet. They need you in the OR to assist on the heart transplant.
Turk: The Bolgers said yes?
Dr. Kelso: Mr. Bolger wanted you to have this.
Turk: His son's driver's license?
Dr. Kelso: Turn it over.
Quote from Todd
Nurse Roberts: So how was the zoo?
Todd: It was awesome. They had lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my.
Quote from Jordan
Janitor: OK, either the heat in my office is broken or I drifted off and fantasized about Rudy Giuliani again.
Turk: [laughs] He's not even sexy! Right, baby?
Carla: Rudy, don't stop.
Turk: Baby!
Jordan: Relax, she's only fantasizing 'cause you don't satisfy her.