Turk: I got it. I'm gonna buy her a really nice pen. No, she loves to write. She hand writes all of her letters because she says e-mail's too impersonal. That's perfect.
Elliot: A pen is good.
Todd: Yeah! [Turk and Todd high-five]

J.D.: Look, all I'm saying is there's more to healing than what's in the books. I talk to my patients. I sing to them, ask what their hobbies are, and tell them ghost stories about an old sea captain.
[Elliot laughs]

Elliot: Since we've been chatting, maybe you could raise your heart rate for me? What do you say? What am I doing? [gets up to leave] This is stupid. [turns back and flashes the patient, whose heart rate soars]

Dr. Kelso: You see, son, I always say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Can you believe him? You're away and yet he hit first.
J.D.: It's just a technicality.
Dr. Kelso: Ah, but there's the rub. The rules are there for a reason. If you break one, why not break them all?

[montage of Cox and Kelso talking to J.D. as they play golf:]
Dr. Cox: You know that, before medicine ever became a business, the only rule was to do your best to help the patient.
Dr. Kelso: Like it or not, medicine is a business. If the hospital shuts down, then who are we helping then?
Dr. Cox: So, only people with money deserve medical treatment?
J.D.: Dammit!
Dr. Kelso: It's about what's best for the hospital.
Dr. Cox: It's about what's best for the patient.
Dr. Kelso: The only reason I go back to that hospital day after day is because I care about those patients. Every one of 'em. You've got a lot of potential, sport. You stick with me and you're going to be climbing the ladder very quickly. Isn't that what you want? You have to sink this for the win, Cox.
Dr. Cox: Dr. Cox: Newbie, I almost forgot. I'm gonna get Mrs. Blitt her TIPS procedure tomorrow, with or without insurance, and I want you to help me. Now tell me, Margaret, do you have the stones to sink a putt when you have to? See you next Wednesday. I love this game.

J.D.: I can't decide if I should help Cox. It's driving me crazy.
Turk: Dude, at least you didn't give your girlfriend a gift that used to be inside someone.
J.D.: That's true.
Elliot: I have magic breasts.
J.D.: How many has she had?
Turk: Almost one.

[As J.D. walks out from behind the machine he was hiding behind, he bumps into the Janitor:]
Janitor: That's four.
J.D.: That's three.
Janitor: That's five!

Dr. Cox: All righty, we're through here. Somebody call it.
Elliot: Wait. [flashes]
Dr. Cox: Right. Time of death, 6.20.

[J.D. falls backwards on a wet floor]
Janitor: That's one for me. [puts out hand, grabs J.D. and drops him] That's two.
J.D.: I'm hurt.