Dr. Kelso: [to the patient] Let's just worry about getting you better. OK, gorgeous?
J.D.: [v.o.] I decided that Cox was wrong. There's room to play by the rules and care about the patients.
Dr. Cox: [to Steadman] I want you to do a wallet biopsy on her, and if the insurance doesn't check out, I want her back to the nursing home before she so much as gums down a single fruit cup.
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately, that was the moment when I realized how Dr. Kelso truly saw these people.
[fantasy: Dr. Kelso at a supermarket checkout with sick people in shopping carts queued up:]
Dr. Kelso: Could I have a price check on a 74-year-old female with prerenal azotemia? Bag her.
J.D.: [gets out a body bag, screams]

Carla: Come on, I wanna show you something.
Turk: Wait. It's about the pen. I thought a really nice one would be a great gift, and I see a great one in the Lost and Found Box.
Carla: There is no Lost and Found Box. There's an Ass Box...
Turk: Yeah, there is.
Carla: Ugh. And to think you were this close to getting everything you wanted. I assume this is what you wanted.
Turk: Yes.
Carla: And yet you come home and tell me that your thoughtful token of love wasn't a token of love at all. It was an ass pen. You come home and tell me this all because being open and honest is more important to you than having sex with me? [goes into the bedroom] Are you coming or what?
Turk: Hell, yeah. [puts Rowdy in the living room] Stay, Rowdy, stay.

Elderly Man: Excuse me, miss.
Elliot: Can I help you?
Elderly Man: Well, I'm afraid I have an awful case of the gotta-see-'ems.
J.D.: [laughs] You know, that's not even a real disease.
Elliot: At what point did I become a crazy person?
J.D.: Oh, come on. Yes, exposing yourself to a dead guy might have been a tad unorthodox. And yes, it might be a little hard to live down.
Elliot: I'm waiting for the "but".
J.D.: So's everyone else around here.

Dr. Kelso: You're suspended. Effective immediately. [to J.D.] Well, sport. It looks like a permanent spot just opened up on the golf course. How does joining the Chief of Medicine for a weekly round sound?
J.D.: Actually, sir, I'm not really that into golf.
Dr. Kelso: Well, I guess that's your choice, isn't it, Dr. Dorian?
J.D.: [v.o.] I think I liked it better when he didn't know my name.

Elliot: How you feeling, Jared?
Jared: OK, I guess.
Elliot: Hey, I heard your dad arranged for a visit from The Rock?
Jared: Oh, I'm 13, I must love wrestling, right?
Elliot: Come on, The Rock's a movie star. I mean, out of anything in the whole world, what could a guy possibly wanna see more?

Dr. Kelso: Ammonia's a little strong today.
[The Janitor looks at J.D., who tries to hide behind his clipboard]
Janitor: That's two.

Turk: Steady, boy. Okay, now, Rowdy. I swear, when you're not here, he does it.
Carla: I'm sure.

J.D.: My man Turk is getting it daily, nightly and ever-so-rightly. What up, dawg!
J.D.: [v.o.] Once every 4.2 seconds, a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for. Luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: [enters] What did you just say?
J.D.: What up, dawg?
Carla: Why would you think we'd slept together? Because I'm a nurse? Because I'm Latina?
J.D.: No, just because you guys have been dating for a while. Do Latina women put out more? Because that's not something I've heard. Turk told me.

Carla: Is that how you see this relationship? As some mad dash to the finish line? Because I'll take you into that bedroom right now and I promise you will be walking sideways for the rest of your life, because I will have used all your up and down. Now, is that what you want?
Turk: No.
Carla: Good. Because what I want is for this to be a real relationship. I want us to know each other better than we know ourselves.
Turk: Wow.
Carla: That's right, "wow". So if you really want me "daily and nightly and ever-so-rightly"...
Elliot: [to J.D.] That sounds like something you'd say.
Carla: ...show me you know me.

J.D.: [v.o.] Don't say it.
J.D.: I still think I was right.
J.D.: [v.o.] Once every 6.3 seconds, a man says something stupid that another man hears and punishes him for.
Luckily, this wasn't-
Dr. Cox: That's it!
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, no.
Dr. Cox: Do you know what this is? This is me washing my hands of you. I will not be in the same room with you again, starting... now.