J.D.: [v.o.] Since I was checking out that kid's awesome plastic cow, I saw Elliot's friend first.
Melody: Elliot?
Elliot: Melody? Oh, my God! [girlish squeals]
J.D.: [v.o.] And just like that, they regressed to the two 19-year-old sorority sisters they had once been.
Turk: Aah, dude, we should get out of here before they look our way.
J.D.: Why?
[fantasy: Elliot and Melody squeal, creating a tornado that's strong enough to blow J.D. and Turk away:]
Turk: There's only one way to stop them! Show them a picture of Izzy! Go! Go!
J.D.: Must show picture!
[reality:]
J.D.: Girls?
Elliot & Melody: Aw.

J.D.: Hey, what's the deal with Elliot's friend? Break her down for me, C-bear.
Turk: Okay, check it out. She and Elliot went to college together, right?
[fantasy: Turk hosts a sports show:]
Turk: Welcome to Turk's Booty Breakdown!
Melody: Melody O'Hara, Brown University, 5'4"" 103lbs.
Turk: J.D., I've got to tell ya I'm a huge fan of this chick. She seems smart, fun, and she's got a little bit of a wild street.
Melody: Smack it and I'll do a fake sexy "ooh" for you.
Turk: Boys!
Melody: Ooh!
Turk: Count it! Melody works as a hotel reviewer for Zagat, has green eyes, perfect feet (if you're into that), and here's the best part! Tell 'em.
Melody: I'm single.
Turk: Booya! Bus driver dance us home!
Melody: Driving, driving. Passenger on! Driving, driving. Passenger on!
[reality:] [aw:1347]
J.D.: Why don't people dance the bus driver anymore?
Turk: Because it's not a real dance.
J.D.: For us honkeys, it's a very important dance. Driving, driving. Inside the bus.

Elliot: Anyway, I know it's hard to believe, but when I first got to college, I was a little bit of a-
J.D.: Dork?
Carla: Geek?
Dr. Kelso: Good Time Sally who gave it away for free?
Melody: I was the tramp, you old bitch.
Dr. Kelso: Liking her.

Turk: How come you don't ever give me any good surgeries? I could do a bypass like fft-fft-fft done.
Dr. Cox: Now, Gumball, that's hardly to point. The older surgical attendings around here are warriors. Hell, if I screw with Mickhead, he'll send me every bowel obstruction he gets. You, on the other hand, you're just not formidable enough to have ever earned my respect. I don't even know why I'm speaking with you. In fact I'm going to stop talking right in the middle of whatever I'm-
Turk: Come on, Dr. Cox, hook me up.
Dr. Cox: You want a patient?
[later:]
Dr. Cox: Enjoy.
Lloyd: Hey, weren't we in an air band together?
Turk: Maybe.
Lloyd: [plays air drums] I think so.

Melody: Let's hit the town, later. I wanna roll with Nancy again.
J.D.: Who?
Melody: Oh, that's the name I gave to her crazy wild side.
Elliot: Uh, I thought that was Jenji.
Melody: No, Jenji is your super-sensitive neurotic side. You don't still think I'm neurotic, do you? Because that would make me so bummed. I mean, I thought that I'd done so much work with all...
Melody: Eesy, Jenji. Breathe, breathe.

Turk: Okay, there's nothing wrong with you, Lloyd. Your enzymes are negative, you have a normal echo. Does heart trouble even run in your family?
Lloyd: Well, my uncle was shot in the heart.
Turk: Oh, okay, that helps.
Lloyd: Really?
Turk: No.

Melody: Nice drink. Does it come in hetero?
J.D.: It does, but I didn't like it.
Melody: Elliot's running 20 minutes late. Do you wanna play darts, or maybe sing showtunes?
J.D.: [v.o.] Don't say showtunes! It's a trap!

Dr. Cox: What the hell?
Carla: He was turfed back to you from surgery with endocarditis. [laughs]
Lloyd: Dr. Turk said I was a present for you.
Dr. Cox: Huh? [Turk dances] Is he doing the bus driver?
Lloyd: Oh, yeah, dude.
Dr. Cox: Don't get comfortable.
[montage:]
Turk: Aortic dissection?
Dr. Cox: Pulmonary embolism? No.
Turk: Splenic infarct? Hell, no!
Lloyd: That's okay, I'll walk myself back.

Dr. Cox: Heads up! Exciting news there, Milk Dud. I've convinced young Lloyd in there, that the arm pain that he thought was a heart attack, was actually just what, Lloyd?
Lloyd: [o.s.] Arm pain, Perry.
Dr. Cox: A 100% surgical issue. It's O.V.E.R. I win. And, for your dignity sake please, stop trying to play with the big boys.

Turk: Now, it's really over.
Dr. Cox: Oh, yeah? What did you do, kill him?
Lloyd: What's up, dude?
Turk: Wassup? You said it was an arm pain, so I operated on his arm.
Dr. Cox: But there was nothing wrong with him. Are you crazy?
Turk: Look, the man wanted something done? I did it. End of story. Good day.