Carla: Did you guys hear what Jordan and Dr. Cox and did to the doctor who botched his vasectomy?
[flashback to Dr. Cox and Jordan tying Dr. Fulton to his chair:]
Jordan: Go Ted.
Ted's band: [singing] I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back # I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back # I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back-
Dr. Fulton: Dear God, when do they say "ribs?"
Dr. Cox: Never. They never say "ribs."
Ted's band: [singing] I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back # I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back
[present:]
Turk: I heard ten minutes into it, he started eating his own face.
Carla: He did.

Carla: Look, I feel like I can give you a list of things that are sucky about being pregnant. For starters, I'm now horny as I've ever been and my husband is repulsed by me.
Turk: Listen, if you really need it that badly, I will suck it up and shut my eyes so tight and then do you.
Carla: Thank you for the sacrifice.
Turk: It's because I love you.

Janitor: [on the phone] No, Mom, playpen/baby cage is not like tomato/tomahto.

J.D.: [v.o.] It's springtime at Sacred Heart, and the whole hospital had that end-of-the-year smell.
J.D.: Gloria, I need you to change the dressing on Mr. Kerns' wound.
Gloria: And I need you to suck it.
J.D.: Wow, Gloria. Do you kiss your great-great-great-great-great grandkids with that mouth? Zoom-zoom-zoom!

J.D.: Ted, that's funny. Where's the chuckle?
Ted: The bank foreclosed on my house.
J.D.: Where's your mom?
Ted: She's out in the car with the cats.

J.D.: [v.o.] Dr. Kelso celebrated spring by wearing his golf shorts to flaunt his oddly youthful legs.
Dr. Kelso: Take them in, people. I shaved for you. [all groan]

Jordan: All right, let's get this over with. I need a nap. I've been exhausted all week.
Dr. Cox: Yippee!
Jordan: Ugh, no kissing. Hands behind your back. Let's go.

J.D.: [v.o.] Yep, love was definitely in the air.
J.D.: Hey, Kim. How'd you like a night on the town with the hottest doctor in this place?
Kim: I'd rather just go out with you. Oh! Zoom-zoom-zoom
J.D.: You "zoom-zoom-zoom"?
Kim: Of course. I invented the zoom-zoom-zoom.
J.D.: Oh, cool.
J.D.: [v.o.] Liar!

J.D.: [v.o.] Hey. There's Kim. She and Elliot bonded over an ability to communicate at a speed of light.
[Kim and Elliot talk at high speed]
J.D.: [v.o.] You'd have to slow it down for humans to understand.
[a nurse trips in slow motion as Kim and Elliot talk at a normal speed]
Elliot: The shower's going to start at 4:00, there's going to be food and games.
Kim: You're such a good friend. You know, I got her a present, but since we're not close I think I'm just going home to get ready for my date.

Kim: [to J.D.] Hey, you. I'm psyched for tonight.
Elliot: Oh, yes. The best thing about a date with J.D., if you're having Chinese and decide you want Mexican, you just can walk right on to the other side of the food court.