Turk: Now, if you'll excuse me, let me drop some knowledge on Dr. Keez-ox.
J.D.: Good luck.
Turk: Excuse me, coming through.
Dr. Cox: So, this patient has fever of 103, renal failure and platelets of 25,000. What is the diagnosis and management? [all hands go up]
Turk: Bam! Put them down! It's obvious the patient's septic. I'd treat him with an activated protein C. Boo-ya kasha!
Dr. Cox: Dr. Turk, that's just an excellent diagnosis.
Turk: Hee!
Dr. Cox: However, with his low platelet count, treatment with activated protein C, would cause what, class?
All: Brain hemorrhage!
Dr. Cox: And what would that cause?
J.D.: His death! Sorry, I got so excited, I was yelling things out. Hey, Ron.

Carla: I told you this would happen.
Elliot: I can't take you seriously until you take off the Janitor's mutton-chops.
Carla: Why is that when it comes to relationships people can't take advice from someone that's already been through it?
Elliot: We're different than you and Turk.
Carla: You aren't!
Keith: We're not gonna go through the same things you did.
Carla: You are!
Elliot: Our love is special.
Carla: It isn't!
Elliot: How can you say that?
Keith: Well, she doesn't understand us, Elliot. [Elliot and Keith kiss]
Carla: Oh, I need some new people in my life.

J.D.: Excuse me, Anne? Hey, uh, my life really hasn't been in the best place lately. I recently broke up with my girlfriend who I impregnated on the first date. Don't worry! She miscarried. And I haven't even begun to think about asking anyone else out, mostly because I'm concerned that the stress that love-making will put on my body, might cause me to pass out much like I do when I defecate. I also live in a tent and just got a DUI. I know that as physical therapist you can appreciate someone who's trying to get their life back on track, would you please let me take you to dinner? And show you that I'm really just a nice guy who's fallen on some hard times.
Ann Chase: No.
J.D.: Just just no? Do you... Do you wanna elaborate on the "no"?
Ann Chase: No.

J.D.: So, I lied. And when I finally did ask Anne out she said no.
Brian: Well, did she elaborate?
J.D.: She did not.
J.D.: [v.o.] The thing about failure is how supportive the people close to you can be.
Brian: Well, hey, man, it's not a big deal. At least you got back in the game, right?

Turk: So, Dr. Cox the cast comes off tomorrow, any last-minute shots you wanna take on me?
Dr. Cox: You have diabetes and you can't eat cupcakes.
Turk: Wow!
Dr. Cox: Look, you may never have the same grasp on medicine as we real doctors do, but you're miles ahead of your fellow numb-nut surgeons.

J.D.: [v.o.] Brian made us feel how huge our smallest accomplishments really are. Whether it's having a little more knowledge than your colleagues.
Turk: Todd, your appendectomy patient may be hypertensive.
Todd: Let the medical weenies deal with it. Roast five.
Turk: Todd, don't be such a surgeon. Let's go and check her out.

Dr. Kelso: Well, I'm off to my family vacation in Bermuda. Every God awful year Enid's wheelchair rusts in the salt water, Harrison spends my money getting his hair braided by trannies, and I fall asleep in the sun. Don't page me.
[a week later, a sunburt Dr. Kelso returns with braided hair:]
Dr. Kelso: Damn trannies got my in my sleep.
Turk: That's just wrong.