J.D.: You can stare at me all you want, I'm still not gonna feel bad about what I said to Josh. You don't scare me, woman. [Carla continues staring] I'm so sorry. I'll apologize at rounds.

J.D.: [v.o.] After what happened with Josh, I did what any good person would do. I went looking for confirmation that it wasn't my fault.
[montage:]
J.D.: Okay, here's what happened.
J.D.: He was screwing up constantly.
J.D.: It's not like I forced him to quit.
J.D.: I just don't think it's my fault he quit.
Janitor: I don't know. I think most of the bad things that happen here are your fault.
J.D.: I was talking to her.

Carla: Well, I'm not going to tell you what you wanna hear.
J.D.: Even Nurse Roberts says he's the most incompetent young doctor she's worked with.
Carla: Hey, Laverne, what'd you say about J.D. when he first started working here?
Nurse Roberts: That he was the most incompetent doctor I ever worked with.

J.D.: [v.o.] At a certain point during your first year, things begin to feel a little different. You've arrived. You know? You just start to feel... cooler.

Elliot: Oh, my God! Which one of you two did that?
Turk: My bad.
J.D.: That was me.
Elliot: Both of you?
Both: Player!
Elliot: Could we have an agreement? No enclosed spaces.

J.D.: [v.o.] Let's face it. We've earned the right to be a little cocky.
J.D.: Jerome! What up, dawg?
Turk: My man!
Elliot: Who the hell's Jerome?
J.D.: [v.o.] And I gotta tell you, nobody can take this feeling away. Nobody.
Dr. Cox: Thank goodness, it's the Mod Squad.
J.D.: [v.o.] After months of doing everyone else's scut work, we're finally not the lowest people on the totem pole.
Carla: Look at you three, all excited.
J.D.: [v.o.] You see, today we get our very own med students.
Turk: Welcome to Hell. [laughs] Gimme some hungry chicken. Not hungry enough. Give me some more. There you go. There you go.

J.D.: Look how scared they are. It's like we're cheetahs and they're a pack of gazelles.

J.D.: So, I was just thinking I want someone I can be friends with, you know?
Elliot: Personally, I hope I get the biggest jerk in the bunch. I took so much crap when I was a med student that I've just been waiting for the day I get to make someone suffer.

Philip: Listen, nurse. I'm looking for a Dr. Elliot Reid.
Elliot: I'm Elliot Reid.
Philip: Guy's name, guy's job, guy's clothes. Is there anything else you wanna tell me?
Elliot: Oh, goody! You're a jerk.

Turk: Excuse me, doctor. Have you seen a med student around here?
Kristen: Um, yeah. Me.
Turk: Cool. Nice to meet you, ma'am.
Kristen: Actually, the only people that call me "ma'am" are nobody.
Turk: Uh, no. I use "ma'am" all the time. Watch. What up, ma'am? See? It's my thing.
Kristen: Yeah, right. Now, come on. I'm here to learn.