Elliot: God, I can't remember the last time I saw you in this suit and tie.
J.D.: How can you not remember that time we were with those-
Elliot: Oh, God. With the two guys.
J.D.: The two guys, and their mom was trying to sing that song. It was so funny.
Elliot: So funny.
J.D.: Till they had to put their horse down.
Elliot: Oh, yeah.
Both: Poor Cinnamon.
Elliot: He could run like the wind, but his tail couldn't put out that fire.

Carla: What's going on with you?
Dr. Cox: Let's see, Jordan and I aren't, uh, we're not fighting anymore.
Carla: Oh, no. How long has this been going on?
Dr. Cox: Since the baby came along we've been fighting less and less.
Carla: Why don't you get a hotel room? Pour some nice champagne, get in a tub, and rip each other new ones. You know, make it special.
Dr. Cox: She won't go for that.
Carla: Well, you have to do something.
Dr. Cox: No I don't, you jackass.
Carla: Ha ha, sweetie, you ain't getting any here. I'm getting married tomorrow.
Dr. Cox: Please?
Carla: No. No. No.

Dr. Cox: Those pants make your ass look giant.
Jordan: Stop doing this.
Dr. Cox: I'm doing it for us. You suck at Scrabble.
Jordan: Do I look mad?
Dr. Cox: You got so much Botox in your expressionless face, I can't tell. Oh, is that a frown?

Turk: Oh, my God. My future brother-in-law is an evil genius.
Elliot: I'm gonna go, uh, check on "Sally". [laughs] Okay, not funny yet.

Turk: So I take it you haven't broken up with her yet.
J.D.: Yeah, I decided to stay with her forever.
Turk: That's great, dude. I know you think you're being nice, but I'm pretty sure Elliot doesn't want to spend her life with someone who doesn't love her.
J.D.: Oh, you know what? If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go ahead and take relationship advice from someone whose fiancee is currently speaking to him. Ho!
Turk: Ho!
J.D.: Gimme some champagne. I need a victory sip.

Turk: You're making a big mistake.
J.D.: Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. I mean, who- Who knows what love really is?
Turk: I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut. On me, of course, not her.
J.D.: I hope so.
Turk: But you know what's really weird? None of that stuff scares me. Not even when-
J.D.: Turk.
Turk: Dude, I'm trying to make a point here.
J.D.: I know. Maybe you should stand up and say that.

Jordan: Why didn't you tell me you felt that way, you dumbass?
Dr. Cox: Because you're so much like your mother, you wouldn'ta listened anyway. [Jordan slaps him; they kiss] No biting.
Jordan: Just take it, you girl.

Turk: Anyway, uh, I may not ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me, but I promise I will try to show you for the rest of my life. I love you.
Carla: I love you.
Elliot: Aren't they amazing?
J.D.: I don't love you.
Elliot: What?
J.D.: Please don't cry.
Elliot: Oh, I won't.
[Elliot pushes J.D. across the table]
J.D.: Oh, God! Someone call 911!
Elliot: [to Nurse Roberts] Oh, could I get a little more wine, please? This chicken is fantastic!