‘My Road to Nowhere’
Season 6, Episode 8 - Aired February 8, 2007
After Dr. Cox and Turk convince J.D. of the importance of seeing the baby's first ultrasound, he decides to go on a road trip to Washington. J.D., Carla, Elliot, Keith, Ted and the Janitor take a ride in Dr. Kelso's new RV. Meanwhile, Dr. Cox and Jordan get some unexpected news about her pregnancy.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton, if I let you assist on that surgery, I would be breaking every hospital protocol. And you know damn well that I would never be that inappropriate. [to a nurse] Oh, thanks, Sugar Boobs. Lucky for you, I am a man in need. Enid asked me to get her tickets to see Al Green for her birthday. I forgot, now they're sold out. Can you call him for me?
Turk: Sir, do you think I know Al Green just because I'm black?
Dr. Kelso: Plan B. Also lucky for you. Enid has gone blind from glaucoma. Now... Here's what I need.
Quote from Carla
Turk: Baby, I need permission to road trip J.D. to Tacoma, so he can see his ultrasound.
Carla: Sure! I think not giving you permission to do this for your friend would be totally Dorian!
J.D.: [v.o.] How is this spreading so quickly?!
Quote from Jordan
Dr. Cox: Gandhi?! Did you tell Jordan what I said about her wanting to cuddle? She doesn't like people to know that she actually cares for me.
Turk: Relax. She's pregnant, what can she possibly do?
Jack: Man check! [punches his father in the crotch]
Dr. Cox: Aaargh!
Turk & J.D.: Whoa.
Jordan: Good boy, Jack. Good boy!
Turk: He can't possibly made this my fault, right?
J.D.: Dorian! Ooh, damn it! Now I'm doing it. Careful, he's going fetal.
Quote from Elliot
Keith: Um, we still can't make it. We made plans to finally hang out with my grandma.
Elliot: Oh, Keith, the woman is 96 years old. There will be plenty of weekend for that. Road trip!
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: Road trip! Where's Chocolate Bear?
Carla: Getting to know his daughter.
J.D.: [v.o.] I knew that little tan baby would eventually ruin everything.
Quote from J.D.
Elliot: Keith, take the front seat, sweetie.
Keith: Um, I can't...
J.D.: Rowdy needs to see the world.
Carla: We need a bigger ride.
Ted: [honks horn] Do you guys know where I can find a giant car wash?
Quote from Jordan
Jordan: Hey, cutie.
Turk: Hey.
Jordan: Oh, like there's a chance I meant you.
Quote from J.D.
Keith: This thing is awesome.
Elliot: What's with all these kimonos?
Carla: I don't know, but there is a stripper pole in the back.
J.D.: Carla's got some serious moves. She can even do an inverted spread leg pole spin. You know, if that's what they're called. It's not like I took a pole dancing class or anything.
J.D.: [v.o.] Nice cover.
Quote from J.D.
Keith: I wish that none of us had to drive.
[fantasy:]
Car: We are cruising at a comfortable speed, Dr. Dorian, and should arrive ahead of schedule. Could you possibly do me a small favor?
J.D.: Of course, Jonathan 3000.
Car: Could you rub that spot, off my dashboard?
J.D.: You've got it, pal.
Car: Oh, yeah! Just like that.
J.D.: All right.
Car: That's the stuff, you bitch!
[reality:]
J.D.: It can get lonely on the road, even for computers.
Quote from Jordan
Dr. Mahoney: Now, if we slide the wand over here, we'll see if it's a boy or a girl.
Jordan: Wait. Change of plans, Per. Beat it!
Dr. Cox: No no, no. You committed to find enough the sex of the child, this time.
Jordan: Oh, yeah, I am gonna find out the sex of the child, but you're not, unless you work out a routine with Jack for the parent-child dance recital.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, the boy already lip syncs into your tampons. Must we put the final nail into his tiny gay coffin?
Jordan: Moma wants you at her feet.
Dr. Cox: Tell her she can't do this.
Dr. Mahoney: I would, but when she looks at me my insides get all cold.
Dr. Cox: You're a coward! You're a coward!