Danni: Hey, grouchy pants. Do you wanna hang out?
Dr. Cox: Does "hang out" mean choke you?

Dr. Cox: Not here, not here, not here.
Turk: Danni!
Danni: Hi!
Dr. Cox: Oh, good! You're here. Seeing as we're amigos now, I was wondering if you could do me a solid. This bald, sad clown isn't really much of a nurse, so could you go ahead and keep an eye on him for me?
Danni: Yeah, sure. I'd love to. Hey, didn't I go to your wedding?
Turk: Yeah. You threw up on my gran-gran.

Turk: You can't smoke in here.
Danni: I don't see any signs.

Dr. Cox: Hey, baby.
Carla: [to Turk] Keep it together.
Dr. Cox: Do you remember that quarantine we had seven years ago? It was just you and me, all alone, late at night in the ICU.
Turk: That's it.
Carla: Turk! [to Dr. Cox] You really had to do that?
Dr. Cox: Come on. If he wasn't such a jealous baby, it wouldn't be such a big deal.
Carla: Give him a break. What if you found out Jordan had a history with somebody here?
Dr. Cox: Oh, fair enough. Uh, hey, everyone. [whistles] In the brief 18 months that Jordan and I weren't together, how many of you had your way with her? [A lot of hands go up, but not J.D.'s] Bear in mind, I'm gonna need absolute honesty here or I will brain you. [J.D. briefly raises his hand] Anyway, whoever taught Jordan that reverse cowgirl position, it was long overdue, but thank you.
Dr. Mickhead: You're welcome.

Turk: I don't understand why Carla didn't tell me about you guys.
Dr. Cox: Maybe it's because she's really in love with me, and together we injected you with diabetes to very slowly get you out of the picture. Or maybe it's because I really liked her but she didn't exactly feel the same way about me, and I got the forehead kiss after spending 90 stinking dollars on theater tickets. Or maybe, and this is a huge outside maybe, maybe she knows you're the kind of person who freaks out over irrelevant things from the past. Personally, I hope it's all three.

J.D.: [v.o.] Before I settled on the outfit for my first date with Kylie, I had to run it by the experts.
J.D.: So be honest, but not too honest, 'cause I'm feeling a little chunky.
[Elliot and Carla talk]
Carla: We like it.
J.D.: Oh, thank god. I could have sworn I heard the word jowly.

Carla: You know, on a first date, I could see what a guy was wearing and know exactly how far he was gonna get that night.
Elliot: Oh, me, too. And that guy's gettin' boobies.
Carla: Yeah, he is.
[J.D. takes off his sports jacket]
Elliot: Whoa! That guy's gettin' a hug at the door.
[J.D. takes off his shirt to reveal tight, short, red tank-top which reads "Electric Boogie"]
Elliot: And that guy is getting a fake name and a phone number with 6 digits.
J.D.: I know how ridiculous this looks.
Carla: I don't think you do.
J.D.: But the entire ensemble works together, and the jacket never comes off.

J.D.: What the hell was that?
Kylie: It's a poor little possum. We should take him to the vet.
J.D.: [v.o.] It was Sophie's choice. Either heartlessly leave the possum there to die or wrap that little guy up in my sports coat and reveal the short-sleeved nerd jersey that lurked beneath.

J.D.: Anyway. We only lost about half an hour. We can still make that reservation. [car reverses] Oh, there's possoms everywhere.
Kylie: No, no, no. It's just a box.
Man: Ow!
Kylie: A talking box.

Carla: Happy birthday, Laverne.
Nurse Roberts: Thanks, Carla.
Turk: Did your brother make you face cake?
Nurse Roberts: Sure, he did.
Turk: Wow. Think I can have a piece of that face cake?
Elliot: I heard there was face cake.
Janitor: Face cake! I heard-
Nurse Roberts: Back off. I'm saving this for my party tonight.