J.D.: I assume you want something?
Dr. Cox: Easy there, nobody likes a cranky punching bag. And yes, it's about a patient. Pretty good friend of mine.
J.D.: [v.o.] I guess that means he respects me a little.
Dr. Cox: Randy, Jackie, what do you say? This is the monkey I got to videotape the birth.
J.D.: [v.o.] I hate him.

J.D.: Oh, excuse me, Nurse Teresa. Have you ever read the Bible?
Carla: I started it. Then I skipped to the end and it ruined it for me.
Turk: That's it. Both of you to the window. Let's go. Right now. "When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy." Matthew, 2:10.
J.D.: Dude, that's just the big Christmas tree in Miller Park.
Carla: I understand what you're saying, baby.
Turk: Oh, please. You can't just jump back on my good side. You see all of this right here? And this? And this? Consider yourself cut off. Full love embargo, baby.
Carla: [exaggerated gasp] That's not gonna last.
Turk: It will last.
Carla: Yeah?
Turk: It's gonna last.
Carla: What if I came up to you, all tired, and, you know, I just I had to yawn?
Turk: Damn!

Dr. Cox: Oh, it's great to see you guys again. Really, all three of you. [to J.D.] What is it with friends wanting to be in your life?
J.D.: Selfish is what it is.

Jordan: Please, you should have seen him when he was a new intern. [panting] "I. Don't. Want. To. Be. A. Doctor."
[J.D. laughs until Dr. Cox gives him a look]
J.D.: You know, I think we all know that's just not true.

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, isn't this your day off?
Elliot: It's that pregnant girl-
Dr. Kelso: Oh, right. The one who went missing. And now you're here, voluntarily, hell bent on finding one of your little lost ducklings.
Elliot: Dr. Kelso, I think it's important you understand something. I'm not interested in babies. I don't coo when I around them, I don't melt when I see them, I don't have a yearning to make them my life's work. I'm a doctor who's interested in my patients, male or female. And right now, one of them needs help.
Dr. Kelso: God! Do I know women.

Carla: I can make you see God again, or at least call out his name.
Turk: Is this a joke to you?
Carla: No, I'm just trying to help you feel better.
Turk: Baby, you don't know how I feel.
Carla: Well, then tell me.
Turk: I feel abandoned! All my life, I've believed that God listens to our prayers, and that he cares for us and that he watches over us. Last night, so many people needed to be watched over. How am I supposed to believe in someone that's gonna let innocent people suffer? Answer me, please.
Carla: I can't.

J.D.: [v.o.] I really think it's impossible to be unaffected.
Turk: What up, little dawg?
J.D.: [v.o.] A baby can stir something deep down inside you, you didn't know was there.
Elliot: Coo, look at the baby!
J.D.: [v.o.] They help you find something you thought you'd lost.
Carla: How did you know she was here?
Turk: I don't know, I just knew.
J.D.: [v.o.] I guess Turk was right after all. Miracles do happen.
[fantasy: the gang feature in a manger scene]
J.D.: [v.o.] I think you just have to be willing to look for them.

Turk: Merry Christmas, guys.
J.D.: God bless us, every one.
Turk: Dude, you could not be a bigger dork.
Elliot: You're so lame.
Carla: That was so cheesy.
J.D.: Really? 'cause I felt like it was right.