‘My Old Friend's New Friend’
Season 4, Episode 1 - Aired August 31, 2004
When Carla and Turk return from their honeymoon, they realize settling into married life might not be as easy as they thought. Elliot feels left out of the group as tension remains between her and J.D. A new attending psychiatrist, Dr. Molly Clock (guest star Heather Graham), starts work at the hospital. Meanwhile, J.D. hopes the last week of his residency means something to Dr. Cox.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: Well, sweetheart, you're here early.
Elliot: Yeah, well, you know, I didn't have any plans last night, so I went to bed at 8 and then I woke up at 4. And then I realized that the sunrise just looks beautiful through the trees, and that my neighbor gets his paper in the nude and that he needs to lose like 900 pounds.
Dr. Kelso: In the future, the appropriate response is, "Yes, I am here early." It's called small talk, not my depressing life in thirty seconds.
Quote from Janitor
Janitor: You know, I know you knocked that exit sign down.
J.D.: Well, then I'm sure I can expect an appropriate retaliatory response. Maybe you could shoot me in the neck.
Janitor: [laughs] Sounds like fun, but no. Our game is over, buddy. Your residency's coming to a close and that's it, nothing left to do but... [shakes hand]
J.D.: What can I say, it's been horrifying.
Janitor: Thank you.
J.D.: Well, this is kinda cool. Hey, you know, maybe we could, like, be friends.
Janitor: You like huntin' squirrels?
J.D.: I'd never tried it.
Janitor: Easiest thing in the world. All you need are some walnuts and a boxing glove.
Quote from Dr. Molly Clock
Elliot: I'm sorry. Look, um... You wouldn't understand.
Dr. Molly Clock: No, I get it. I mean, you're feeling lonely, you're feeling rejected. I mean, most people around here won't talk to me, and even Johnny won't take my help.
Elliot: Who's Johnny?
Dr. Molly Clock: You know, he's a resident, he's got like gelled-up hair, and he and his friends are in a motorcycle gang?
Elliot: I knew it!
Dr. Molly Clock: You know what, Elliot, you act like everyone's boxing you out, but you wouldn't even get a cup of coffee with me. Peace out, baby.
Elliot: Why is everybody saying that?
Quote from J.D.
Dr. Molly Clock: Look, isn't it possible that Dr. Cox tricked you as a motivational ploy?
J.D.: Hmm, no.
Dr. Molly Clock: After he said there was no hope with Mr. Radford, didn't you both work harder?
J.D.: No. You're like a crazy person.
Dr. Molly Clock: Look, I'll tell you something else. I mean, Dr. Cox is a text-book closed-off alpha male. I mean, you can try forever, but you're never gonna get that hug that you really want.
J.D.: Uh, excuse me, I'm not a child. I'm a doctor.
J.D.: [v.o.] And I'll get that hug.
Quote from Turk
Carla: Oh, my God! I can't believe you did this! It's even minier than I imagined! But what about you?
Turk: Ah, baby, don't worry about it, I got it covered.
[Turk turns on the radio and plays Sugarhill Gang's Rapper's Delight]
[fantasy: the Sugarhill Gang are in the car singing the song]
Quote from Janitor
[As J.D. rides away on his scooter, he is unaware that it's chained to a post. When the chain tightens, J.D. is flung off and lands on the giant X]
Janitor: Bull's eye!
J.D.: We're not done with our thing yet, are we.
Janitor: No. For you, it's all just beginning.
J.D.: [v.o.] The weird thing is, he was right.
Quote from J.D.
Man: [groaning]
J.D.: My shift hasn't started yet. Try that guy.
Man: Who, that guy right there?
J.D.: Yeah.
Man: All right, thank you.
J.D.: [v.o.] A lot's been going on around here the last two weeks. Turk and Carla got married, that short guy hurt his hand. And since I totally broke Elliot's heart, I was still trying to smooth things over.
J.D.: Hey, buddy. What's with the giant needle?
[J.D. is passed out on the floor of the elevator]
J.D.: [v.o.] We still had some work to do.
Quote from Dr. Cox
J.D.: Turk! Eagle!
Turk: I love you, man.
Dr. Cox: Well, well, well... What do we have here? The newlyweds. Oh, and, hey Carla. Mark my words, the first year of marriage is just a real treat. Sweetheart, do you remember ours?
Jordan: The silly fighting for control.
Dr. Cox: You broke my jaw.
Jordan: You gotta stop that back-talk early. Come on, glass jaw.
Dr. Cox: Duck and move, Gandhi. Here it is, here it is, watch it- Oh, duck and move.
Quote from Turk
Carla: Ignore him, baby. We have a great relationship. Nothing's gonna change.
J.D.: [v.o.] Over the next few days, Carla started to change everything.
Turk: Hey, dude, get us some more ice cream.
J.D.: First of all, this is a Rice Dream. Mm, ricey. Secondly, I can't get out of these new chairs she got. Am I using it right?
Turk: These bowls Carla bought don't hold a lot of Rice Dream. I can barely get my spoon in it. Look.
Carla: Hey, J.D.? Although we do appreciate the wedding gift Turk and I decided we don't want this Sugar Hill Gang alarm clock.
Turk: We don't?
Quote from Janitor
[After the Janitor finishes reattaching an exit sign, J.D. jumps up and knocks it down as he walks by]
J.D.: Don't look at me, it just fell.
J.D.: [v.o.] Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
Janitor: Proceed unmolested.