Dr. Cox: Are you finally finished with the project?
Janitor: Yep, all done. Oh, boy! I got the nail in there, but it's loose. You know what? I'm gonna go get some putty. If you just hold this right here, I'll be done in a second! Just hold it novel and tight. Bear the weight.
Dr. Cox: Here?
Janitor: Right there, I'll be back in one minute. You're doing great.

Dr. Cox: Oh, now what's with the lab coat, Bob?
Dr. Kelso: Ah, the old gal down in pharmacy doesn't know that I've retired so, she still hooks me up with free morning-after pills.
Ted: [enters] Sir, I was just looking over the... Oh, dear God in Heaven!
Dr. Kelso: Still got it.
Dr. Cox: How's the pulse, Ted?
Ted: Nothing.
Dr. Cox: Why don't you go somewhere and lie down?
Ted: Ah, I don't need to go [unintelligible; walks into a wall]

Katie: I can't believe they're just kicking him out. What happened to all that pull you have with Dr. Cox?
J.D.: Look, he said his hands are tied on this one.
Dr. Kelso: Poppycock!
J.D.: What?
Howie: That's old man for "bullcrap".
Dr. Kelso: You're an odd duck, aren't you?
Howie: That's what they tell me, but I don't see it.

Carla: Look, Elliot, all nurses want is to be treated with the same respect that you doctors get treated with every single day.
Elliot: I do that.
Carla: You do with me. But what about all the other nurses? Like Barbara this morning? Were you as respectful as you could have been?
[flashback:]
Elliot: And ma'am, you should feel confident in the decision to give you Clindamycin, because it was made by someone who went to medical school, and not someone who turned to nursing after he failed career as a recording artist. And don't you dare try to kickbox me.
[present:]
Elliot: Maybe not totally respectful.

[Dr. Kelso places a blanket over Ted as he sleeps on the couch in the break room]
Dr. Kelso: When he gets a startle like the one I gave him earlier, he usually sleeps about 18 hours. Have people been taking care of him since I left?
J.D.: We've all been pitching in. Spending time with him, taking him on walks. Who's a good boy?
Ted: [whimpers]

Dr. Kelso: So, why are you so afraid to get all up in Dr. Cox's grill?
J.D.: We both know we can occasionally be somewhat of a vengeful person.
[meanwhile, The Janitor is uncomfortably stood on the couch in Dr. Cox's office as he holds the painting up to the wall]
Janitor: This is demeaning.
Dr. Cox: I know, but that's where I want the picture for the rest of the day.

[As J.D. and Elliot kiss]
Katie: Dr. Dorian?
J.D.: Katie, we've been over this. It's inappropriate to interrupt an attending while he's hitting that. Particularly while he's hitting it good.
J.D.: [v.o.] Turk and I used Katie as a messenger service.
Katie: Dr. Turk liked the drawing you had me take him. He had never seen himself as a deep sea diver before.
J.D.: Awesome! Go back and say, J.D. says you're welcome and here's a little something for your bottom.
Katie: Oh, and he wanted me to ask you if you wanted to go to the batting cages after work.
J.D.: Remind him I don't like to do things that I'm not good at.
Elliot: Yeah. That's why we don't have sex much.
J.D.: That hurt me so much, I lost my breath a little.

Elliot: Barbara. Can you please put Mrs. Newell on a 150mg of clindamycin?
Barbara: Can't we use Azythromycin instead? That way she only requires one dose instead of four and I won't have to be running around all day.
Elliot: Interesting.
J.D.: [v.o.] Elliot didn't think it was interesting, so they went to the person who settled all disputes between nurses and physicians.
Carla: Okay, I'm glad you guys didn't let this escalate. Elliot, I bet you didn't know that on weekends, Barbara was a semi-professional kickboxer.
Elliot: I did not.
Carla: Still, doctors decide all prescription orders and you know that.
Barbara: [o.s.] Hi-ya!
Elliot: Oh, my God! Did she just kick that ceiling top?
Carla: Oh, yeah. She's really good.

Katie: Dr.Turk wanted me to give you this.
Elliot: I warned you about abusing interns. That'd better be not another stupid drawing.
J.D.: Elliot, please. Turk just wanted me to look up a study about intra-operative beta blockade to prevent post-operative complications.
Elliot: Really?
J.D.: No. He took a picture of me and Photoshopped on cactus hands. Look at me! I can't touch anything I love without hurting it.

Dr. Cox: Alright, let me have it.
J.D.: What are you talking about?
Dr. Cox: It is my first official day as Chief of Medicine and I'm sure you've set up some elaborate, annoying spectacle.
J.D.: I didn't do anything.
Dr. Cox: I suppose that giant cake has nothing to do with me.
J.D.: No, that's 'cause Colonel Doctor has two years sober.
[Colonel Doctor gives J.D. a wavering hand signal]