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My New Old Friend

‘My New Old Friend’

Season 2, Episode 12 -  Aired January 9, 2003

J.D. and Elliot decide to stop being sex buddies. Dr. Cox treats a hypochondriac (guest star Richard Kind). Meanwhile, Turk is uncomfortable taking a driving license away a patient who reminds him of his grandmother.

Quote from Todd

Todd: Dude, what were her boobs like?
Elliot: Todd, I'm standing right here.
Todd: I'm sorry. What are your boobs like?


Quote from Turk

Turk: Dude. This gift-shop chick, did you ever [squeak noise]?
Carla: Turk! Elliot's right here.
Elliot: Why would I care?
Carla: I'm sorry. I guess when I was passing by J.D.'s room the other night, he was telling a different Dr. Reid not to stop.
Turk: Oh, "Dr. Reid"? Sweet.

Quote from Turk

Turk: Dr. Kelso, will you just hear me out? All I'm saying is that Miss Kaye looks like she's in great shape.
Dr. Kelso: Son, the woman is recovering from major surgery on her...
Turk: Brain.
Dr. Kelso: Dammit. Why do I keep blanking on that? Now, son, give me the real skinny. Did you pull her license or not?
Turk: Yes, sir, I did.
[Turk screams as Miss Kaye drives towards them at speed]
Turk: OK, I didn't tell her yet, sir, but I swear I was gonna.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Well, Mr. Corman, how'd that go for you?
Mr. Corman: Horrible pain. I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth.
Carla: Dr. Cox, I think you should take a look at Mr. Corman's chart.
Dr. Cox: Why, what's he got, scurvy? Mr. Corman, there's no chance you were on a ship in the 1700s, is there
Carla: Just look at the damn chart.
Mr. Corman: What is it?
Dr. Cox: You're sick.
Mr. Corman: Really?
Dr. Cox: Really.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, I'm afraid you have Waldenstrom's macroglobulinemia. It is a very rare form of cancer.
Mr. Corman: Yeah... I think I had that in college once.
Dr. Cox: This is Dr. Zeltzer. He is the finest oncologist we have on staff.
Dr. Zeltzer: Really? You think so?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I do.
Dr. Zeltzer: Thank you.
Mr. Corman: So, where do we start?
Dr. Zeltzer: Well, first off, we need to- Better than Leventhal? [Dr. Cox sighs and leaves the room]
Mr. Corman: Leventhal's a quack. You're the guy. You're the man. You can do it.
Dr. Zeltzer: Bless you.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: What?
Elliot: Nothing.
J.D.: Then what's with the look?
Elliot: I have a crick in my neck. Since I no longer have any furniture for my new place, I had to sleep in my tub last night. Oh, how was your date?
J.D.: The Italian people are really good at making sauce.
J.D.: Fantastic.

Quote from Janitor

J.D.: Ow.
Janitor: I was thinking about what you said and you're right. A bunch of kids don't wanna hear about being a janitor.
J.D.: I never said that.
Janitor: It's OK. Because instead, I'm gonna be a doctor. I borrowed some stuff from your locker, our locker. And, listen, if I don't get it back to you within, like, two days, consider it gone.

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