‘My Moment of Un-Truth’
Season 3, Episode 17 - Aired March 30, 2004
As she begins to have doubts about Turk's maturity, Carla has dinner with a former crush, Ron (guest star Néstor Carbonell). When Elliot can't figure out what's wrong with her pain patient, Mr. Thompson (guest star Alexander Chaplin), Dr. Cox theorizes that he's a drug addict. Meanwhile, the Janitor tries to convince J.D. and Turk that he has a twin brother.
Quote from Janitor
J.D.: [v.o.] I guess you can never underestimate how the smallest gesture can make everything better.
J.D.: You know, for a minute there, I actually thought you had a twin brother.
Janitor: Really? Was it when my twin brother was here?
J.D.: Stop it.
Janitor: Sorry. [J.D. puts his arm around the Janitor] Too much.
Quote from Nurse Roberts
Elliot: So, everybody treating you ok?
Mr. Thompson: Yeah. You know, the nurse that does the sponge baths, wouldn't be shocked if she's killed before. [to Nurse Roberts] Hey, sunshine.
Nurse Roberts: Why don't you just calm your ass down? You was barely bleeding.
Mr. Thompson: From a bath, woman.
Nurse Roberts: Mmm-hmm.
Quote from J.D.
Turk: Buddy, I get that you and Carla have been hanging out a lot, but pretending you're going to steal her from me makes you seem sad, pathetic and very lonely.
J.D.: Your woman wants me so bad, we've developed our own little shorthand with each other. Mornin'.
Carla: Good morning.
J.D.: That means good morning.
Turk: Noted.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
J.D.: When you work in a hospital, you can count on an ever-changing roster of new faces, whether it's the new flower lady who winks too much or the plastic surgeon who's returned after spending 3 years fixing cleft palates in third world countries.
Dr. Kelso: So if any of you are interested in following in the philanthropic footsteps of Dr. Ramirez, he has graciously offered to answer any of your questions. [all walk away] I told you no one would care.
Quote from Janitor
J.D.: [v.o.] Sometimes a new face will just outright surprise you.
[The Janitor has a mustache and is wearing a jean jacket as he casually leans against the wall]
Turk: What the hell are you doing?
Janitor: Me? Nothin', man. I'm just waitin' for my brother to get off work. Maybe you know him. He's a janitor here. My name's Roscoe.
Turk: Why is he doing that?
J.D.: I think he gets bored.
Quote from J.D.
Carla: So I'm supposed to marry someone who's going to stare at women for the rest of my life?
J.D.: Well, I wouldn't put it that way in your vows.
Quote from Carla
Turk: What's up, baby?
Carla: It's good, isn't it?
Turk: That's because every time Estelle's working, she puts extra croutons into the stuffing.
J.D.: And yet the salads always suffer.
Carla: Excuse me. I am talking about that man's ass!
Turk: Gotta go.
Carla: You know, 'cause it's such a fine, chiseled dig-your-fingernails into it kind of ass.
Turk: Babe, he probably works out.
Quote from J.D.
Ron: Carla?
Carla: Ron!
J.D.: Kudos on the nice pooper.
Ron: Thank you.
J.D.: Mine's firm, like mutton.
Ron: Lovely.
Quote from Elliot
Elliot: Ok, Mr. Thompson, we've got your fever down, but how's the pain in your abdomen?
Mr. Thompson: Practically gone.
Elliot: Really? [elevates bed]
Mr. Thompson: Aah!
Elliot: Little trick I picked up in med school.
Mr. Thompson: Good trick. I think my insides exploded.
Elliot: Now, I suspect you've got pancreatitis, so we're going to run some LFTs and do an ultrasound. But in the meantime, I am going to prescribe you something for your pain.
Mr. Thompson: No, no, no, please, please, don't sweat it. I'm used to the pain. Besides, my mom is bringing by the kids later and I figure there should be at least one sober adult in the room. [chuckles, then Elliot chuckles] No, seriously, she's a drunk.
Elliot: Oh, sorry.
Mr. Thompson: [laughs, then Elliot laughs] Stop it.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] There's nothing worse than being around 2 people with a history.
Ron: So did Shari and Steve ever get married?
Carla: You didn't hear what happened?
J.D.: [v.o.] Please say you heard.
Ron: No, I didn't.
J.D.: [v.o.] Damn you, Ron!
Carla: Steve took a year off to take care of his parents, and while he was gone, Shari started seeing Dr. Harding.
Ron: No! Really?
Carla: Yes.
Ron: Shari and Gary?
Carla: But that summer, they took a river-rafting trip through the grand canyon and they both drowned.
J.D.: Oh, thank God! You know, 'cause they they both died doing what they loved. Rafting.