J.D.: Perry, for the last time, we need more negative pressure rooms in the infectious diseases ward.
Dr. Cox: Huh, I didn't hear you knock.
J.D.: The door was open.
Dr. Cox: Then go outside, close the door, and knock.
J.D.: No, you're just going to lock it.
Dr. Cox: No, I won't.
J.D.: You know I've been burned before.
Dr. Cox: Believe in me.
J.D.: New chapter?
Dr. Cox: New chapter.
[later, as J.D. pounds on the locked door:]
J.D.: New chapter!
Dr. Cox: [answers phone] Perry Cox.
J.D.: We still need those rooms. And you sir, are a liar.
Dr. Cox: There is no money in the budget. And while you're delivering bad news, please tell Ted that he can't sing in pediatrics. A cappella music is, how to put this delicately... ear rape.

J.D.: Guys, guys, guys. He said no.
Ted: Oh, man. Well maybe, he'll let us sing for the people in the burn ward.
J.D.: No, I asked. He said they're already in enough pain.

Janitor: Whoa, you took the last two root beers. Give me one.
J.D.: No. This one is for a patient, and this one... [licks can]... is for me.
Janitor: The old "Lick the can, so no one will want it" trick. Too bad I beat you to it.
J.D.: "Licked by Janitor."
Janitor: You'll find the same note on your cell phone.

Janitor: The important thing is to be confident. When you talk to her, you think about something, anything, that puts you at a confident place.
J.D.: The important thing is to be honest. Just tell her how you really feel.
Ted: I don't want to talk about this anymore. [stands up, falls over]
Janitor: Yep, those are Jum legs.

Dr. Cox: All right, Craig. Your CAT scan showed large lymph nodes, so you got to do a biopsy, which means we're going to make a little cut under your arm, and take a tiny sample.
Craig: Is is going to hurt?
Dr. Cox: A little bit, but it's okay cause I'm going to be by your side the whole way.
Craig: You promise?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I promise. I got one thousand things I got to attend to here, I'll check in with you later.
Craig: Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: Yeah.
Craig: I'm scared.
Dr. Cox: Why don't you tell me what's scaring you, and we'll see what I can do to make it better?

J.D.: [v.o.] As I watched Ted, I realized that a little confidence is a good thing. But, as I saw Dr. Cox rush by, it occurred to me that too much can get you into trouble. Because if you go around plugging leaks all day...
Ed: Brian, the machine is broken. There's no way there was a president named Garfield.
Dr. Cox: Study, or get a book to the face.
J.D.: [v.o.] you're bound to miss one.
Carla: Hey, if you're wondering, this is what it looks like when all the nurses show up at once.
Dr. Cox: I'll deal with it in a second.
J.D.: [v.o.] And before you know it, the flood gates open.
Dr. Cox: Where the hell is Craig?
Carla: Seventeen nurses took him down for his biopsy at two o'clock.
Dr. Cox: It's past two already?
J.D.: [v.o.] Then something big falls through the cracks.
[Jack is waiting alone outside daycare]

Craig: You're not my doctor anymore. Puberty Beard is.
J.D.: You know, Craig, I was kind of hoping that nickname wouldn't stick.
Dr. Cox: Craig, I'm sorry. I just got a little held up out there.
J.D.: I know it's not the thickest beard. It's not like, you know, Santa Claus.
Craig: You broke a promise.
Dr. Cox: Well, have it your way.
J.D.: Just, real quick back to the beard, you- you want to touch it?
Craig: I really don't.

J.D.: There is the stud muffin. How'd it go with Gooch? We jammed all night.
The two of us even sang one of her songs which made me think I might have a chance with her.
[flashback to Ted and Stephanie singing:]
Stephanie: I've got too many questions in my mind
Ted: I've got too many answers to find
Stephanie: Can I give up all I've imagined?
Ted: Am I magical enough for this to happen?
Stephanie: Because I like you
Ted: I like you
Stephanie: I like you
Ted: I like you
Both: And like can lead to like-like And like-like can lead to love Sure as the stars above, I'd really like to...
Ted: kiss you
Stephanie: screw you

Janitor: When we're singing, and the band's around, everything's fine. But as soon as we're alone, I literally can't breathe.
J.D.: Ted, you're never going to get close to this woman until you dig down deep, and find the courage to tell her how you really feel.
Ted: Yeah. What do you got?
Janitor: For the rest of your life, with this woman should be in song.
Ted: Loving it!

Dr. Cox: My head hurts.
Carla: Well, you wouldn't be so stressed out if you let people help you. Let me do the nurses schedule.
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: You don't understand, Carla. He has to control everything.
Dr. Cox: Oh, good, you're here.
J.D.: I'm surprised he doesn't try to control the words I say.
Dr. Cox: I can control the words you say. Say something annoying.
J.D.: I just-
Dr. Cox: Ta-dah!