‘My Lawyer's in Love’
Season 8, Episode 8 - Aired February 3, 2009
Between doing rounds, treating patients, doing paperwork and picking up his son from daycare, Dr. Cox is swamped at work but refuses any help. Meanwhile, the Janitor and J.D. team up to help Ted when he falls for Stephanie (Kate Micucci), a ukulele-playing singer at the hospital.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Okay, Teddy. It's time to throw down your power rap.
J.D.: Wow, look at Ted go!
Stephanie: Can I help you?
Ted: No, you cannot! [walks into a door]
Janitor: Yeah. Every time Ted chickens out with a girl, he goes straight to his bike and pedals home.
[later as Ted cycles home:]
Ted: Cherish the pain, Ted. It means you're still alive.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Okay. Last patient. A pre-excitation of the ventricle due to accessory pathway's a condition called what? [two interns raise their hands] It's Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome. Nice job. I'm out of time, so I'm going to go ahead and answer these last questions myself. Now what is... [hands go up] Let me finish. What is Ebstein's anomaly? [hands go up] Great job, group. I appreciate the effort. Now leave. [whistles] Not you. You didn't raise your hand, not even once.
Ed: I wasn't feeling it.
Dr. Cox: Well, it's perfectly understandable, but for the record, what is Ebstein's anomaly? [Ed raises his hand] Yes, dark haired guy.
Ed: Oh, I thought it was just the hand-rising part. Okay, I know I was supposed to read up on that. But Dr. Cox, are you familiar with those electronic trivia games they have at bars?
Dr. Cox: Sure.
Ed: My buddies and I bought one at a police auction, and we've got this really intense game going. And they're going to call me whenever my team's turn comes up.
Dr. Cox: Wow. Your laziness has finally caught up with you. But, no worries. As your teacher, I'm going to make sure you get through all this because... For the next two days, you're going to sit your ass in that chair, and you are going to learn everything there is to know about the human heart. I'm going to come around, every once in a while, and ask you questions, and if you don't know the answer, I'm going to take that textbook, and I'm going to drive it through your skull. How does that sound?
Ed: Pretty frightening.
Dr. Cox: Good luck.
Quote from Ted
Janitor: Okay, Ted. I think we found a way to get you over your fear of talking to this girl.
Ted: Kill me? Cause I'd be willing to try that.
Quote from Ted
J.D.: Is our friend in there?
Stephanie: He's in the corner.
Janitor: You just spooked him a little bit. But if we're quiet, he'll come out on his own.
Ted: Hey, guys.
Stephanie: Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about?
J.D.: [v.o.] And then Ted remembered what the janitor had said about confidence. And he knew that there was only one situation where he actually had it.
Ted: Peons assemble! I heard you playing yesterday and thought you might like to jam with us. I'm Teddy Buckland by the way.
Stephanie: I'm Stephanie Gooch.
Ted: Well, Gooch. See if you can keep up.
[Ted and his band play Kansas' "Carry on Wayward Son"]
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: So how is your day going today, any better?
Dr. Cox: I'm okay.
Carla: Oh, give it up. Everybody knows you two are friends.
[Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso were sitting back-to-back at separate tables]
Dr. Cox: Oh, please, Carla. I still hate Bobbo with a-
Dr. Kelso: We're like brothers. I'm done hiding this, Perry.
Quote from J.D.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, Dorian. Perry and I are like brothers now.
Dr. Cox: Bob, he's not going to take that well.
J.D.: I do everything for you and you still won't let me in? You now what, thank you, Perry. Thank you for giving me my life back. Because I am done.
Carla: J.D., he needs our help.
J.D.: I'm back in. I'm here for you buddy.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: You know. Last weekend, Perry and I went to the movies together.
J.D.: So?
Dr. Kelso: Thought you'd be interested.
J.D.: Was it a romantic comedy?
Dr. Kelso: Yeah.
[J.D. screams and throws his cafeteria tray up in the air]
Quote from Jordan
Dr. Cox: Maybe they're all right. I have to give something up.
Jordan: Sweetie, I got to talk to your dad for a second. Go over there and staple some stuff.
Jack: Cool!
Jordan: Perry, they don't know you like I do. You're not capable of giving up on anything that you care about. Whether it's a patient or your never-ending quest to please me sexually.
Dr. Cox: I'm going to blow you away tonight.
Jordan: I'm sure it'll be amazing. My point is, is that eventually you balance things out. Who cares if you can't pick Jack up from preschool? Just make sure that you're home in time for his bedtime stories.
Dr. Cox: Thank you.
[Jack has stapled his clothes to the wall and drawn the outline of a boy]
Jack: Hey guys! I finally got a brother!
Dr. Cox: Kid's either a genius or an idiot.
Quote from Ted
Stephanie: I thought maybe we could get to know each other. [Ted is lost for words] You know, I'm an idiot. I've been dropping all these subtle hints that I like you. Sideways glances, the secret smiles, telling you I want to screw you. You're clearly not interested.
Ted: Gooch! I'm really not what you would call a winner. Oh, sure, I'm a lawyer. But that's only because I took the Bar exam in Alaska, and they only have like four laws and most of them are about when you can and cannot kill seals. And if it seems like I'm uninterested, it's only because I've no idea why you would like me. I mean, you are the most beautiful, perfect ukulele player I've ever seen. I know hat's not saying much, because they're usually fat Hawaiians. Still, I think what I'm trying to say is... Stephanie, I would love to go and have coffee with you.
Stephanie: What time do you get off from work?
Ted: Who cares?
[Ted and Stephanie walk out]
Quote from Dr. Cox
Craig: I told you to leave me alone.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, you did. But I can't do that Craig. I screwed up, I broke a promise to you. But I'm sorry. I'm standing here asking you to forgive me. And I'm not leaving until you do.
Craig: Make him go away.
J.D.: I can't, buddy. I have a lot of patients to see. You're stuck with him.
J.D.: [v.o.] As I watched Dr. Cox, I realized, he was going to do it all. Even if it meant compromising a little. Like letting a close friend cross the T's and dot the I's.
Dr. Cox: Here is the first pass of the nurses schedule. Please feel free to make any changes you want and put it out.
Carla: No problem.
J.D.: [v.o.] Or deciding not to bother teaching someone who doesn't want to be taught.
Dr. Cox: Time's up. You patient has a sodium channel abnormality in the cardiac tissue which puts him at risk of sudden death, what does he have?
Ed: Actually, I didn't get to that chapter yet. There was this trivia thing, did you know James Garfield was our twenti-
Dr. Cox: It's been two days. You're fired.
J.D.: [v.o.] Still, it's all worth it if you get home in time to read stories to your son.
[When an excited Dr. Cox arrives in Jack's bedroom with as storybook, Jack is fast asleep]
Jordan: It's okay. You'll try again tomorrow. Come.