‘My Kingdom’
Season 2, Episode 19 - Aired March 27, 2003
When J.D. takes a surgery elective, he wants to fit in with Turk's colleagues. Meanwhile, Elliot accidentally takes her relationship with Paul to another level, and Dr. Cox gets his own back after Dr. Kelso refuses to replace an old computer in the hospital.
Quote from Janitor
Maintenance Man #1: Coming through.
Dr. Cox: Holy cow. What, do you guys just clean out a guy's office the second he goes deady-bye?
Maintenance Man #1: We can come back later.
Dr. Cox: No, no, no. The quicker all of these memories are removed, the sooner all of us can get on with our lives.
Maintenance Man #2: There's no way this desk is fitting through that door.
Janitor: I got it.
Dr. Cox: Who are you?
Janitor: Just a man with a saw.
Quote from Turk
Turk: [to J.D.] That's a great set, Arnold. You got string hanging from your sleeve there. Oh, I'm sorry, that's your arm.
Quote from J.D.
Turk: You were so desperate for the approval of all these stupid surgeons you sold me down the river, huh?
J.D.: Oh, yeah? Not all these surgeons are stupid. OK? Fig Sack here went to Dartmouth. Wait, you're Aardvark.
Schmitty?
Quote from Elliot
Paul: OK, here's what you do. First you say that even though our relationship is ending, you don't have any regrets.
Elliot: Oh, my God, are you actually telling me how to break up with you?
Paul: You're right. Go ahead.
Elliot: If you could just start me off, that'd be super.
Quote from Elliot
Paul: Just tell me we had a lot of fun together.
Elliot: We did.
Paul: Mostly you were really happy.
Elliot: I was.
Paul: And they say that you wished you were mature enough to talk to me about what was bothering you, because even though I can be controlling sometimes, I really would have worked on it for someone as special as you.
Elliot: You know what's funny? When I said I love you, it was an accident and I never really loved you at all.
Paul: That is an absolute riot.
Elliot: No, I just mean that I wonder how things would've gone if that had never happened.
Paul: Me, too.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Cox: How's that new computer? Good?
Carla: We wouldn't know. This one's from like, 1970.
Dr. Cox: Well, what did he do with the new one?
J.D.: [v.o.] But sometimes change doesn't last for long.
Dr. Kelso: By golly, you're so pretty, I may not even use you.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I'm happy just knowing who I am.
Doug: Hey, J.D., do you have any nasal spray?
J.D.: No problem, Dougster.
J.D.: [v.o.] For I am John Dorian. King of the Nerds.
Doug: Hey, J.D., you OK?
J.D.: I'm fine. Don't bogart my nasal spray.
Quote from Todd
Todd: Are you even paying attention?
J.D.: I'm sorry. Is it time to excise the tumor?
Todd: No, it is time to realize that we're operating on a naked chick. We will high-five later.