‘My Karma’
Season 2, Episode 16 - Aired February 20, 2003
J.D. and Turk worry about karma when they fear may be responsible for a patient's injuries. Elliot tries to keep Paul from seeing her crazy side. Meanwhile, Dr. Cox pulls out all the stops for Jordan as she gets ready to give birth.
Quote from Jordan
Dr. Cox: Well, Jordan, why don't we just think of today as a test run?
J.D.: [v.o.] Other times, people react exactly how you think they will.
Jordan: Perry, the only way I could've felt more taken care of is if I were at a four-star resort, or a spa, or a Third World country where you have to boil your own sewage if you want something to drink. Oh, and by the way, giant, giant feather in your cap for how much power you wield here after 15 years!
Dr. Cox: Come on, come on, Jordan. I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest to God I am. But I guarantee when you get here tomorrow, Dr. Gerson will, in fact, be in the super-deluxe birthing suite. So that you can go ahead and have that storybook, drug-addled, Pitocin-induced pregnancy you've always dreamed of ever since you were a little girl. But in the meantime, you gotta cut me a little slack. I mean, come on, it's not like I see the real father running around here busting his hump.
Jordan: Oh, that's nice. I'm going home.
Dr. Cox: No, no, you're not.
Jordan: Bye-bye.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, your water just broke.
Jordan: This kid's annoying me already.
Quote from Todd
Paul: Hey. I wanted to explain about last night. We had a great time and I know you wanted me to come in to...
Elliot: Oh, no, no, no, I invited you in to see my fish tank.
Todd: Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?
Paul: Careful, Todd.
Todd: Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.
Quote from Jordan
J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox asked me to check in on you. I'm sorry I haven't been here until now.
Jordan: He asked you to check on me?
J.D.: Yep. So, how're you doing?
Jordan: Well, I've ruined everything. All he tried to do was take care of me and show me that he loved me. But, no, I had to drive him away because I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal, let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my cootchie on display. So, now he's gone away for good and I would like to get this stupid thing out of me so I can go home and kill myself.
J.D.: Well, you sound good.
Jordan: I was going to tell him the truth eventually. I just wanted to see if he was going to be with me because he wanted to, not because he had to. Do you know what I mean?
J.D.: What are you talking about?
Jordan: It's his baby, stupid. Don't tell anyone.
Quote from Jordan
Dr. Cox: All right, look it. Kappa Gamma here says it's time to get this thing underway, so I don't care if you want me here or not, I'm staying.
Jordan: Whatever, all right.
Dr. Cox: Good. What were you talking about?
J.D.: Apartheid.
Jordan: It's wrong.
Dr. Cox: Oh.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] I wasn't really mad. This was great, except for one thing.
Paul: Can't celebrate without beer.
Turk: Absolutely.
J.D.: [v.o.] Sure, Paul was dating Elliot, but luckily I'm not the jealous type.
J.D.: Well, I'll go ahead and make a little toast here. A toast that only people that have known Turk and Carla more than a week will understand. You guys rock. You do.
J.D.: [v.o.] How's that taste, blondie?
Paul: You guys, you know, I've just gotten to know you as a couple, but you remind me of my grandparents. They were married for 65 years. And every night, before Grandpa and Grandma would walk around the block, he would look deep into her eyes as if to say, "I'd follow you anywhere." Anyway, the way you two just looked at each other, I could've sworn I was looking at them.
J.D.: Lame! This guy.
Quote from Turk
Mr. Simms: I just wish I really knew why it hurt so much right here.
Turk: Well, Mr. Simms, it could be because it's damp out. It could also be because four days ago I sliced your chest open with a giant knife. You had surgery, buddy, you'll be fine.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] In medicine, you get used to seeing a lot of horrible things.
Dr. Kelso: Morning, sport.
J.D.: [v.o.] My God, do not say splotchy.
J.D.: Good splotchy, Dr. Splotchy.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, it's barely noticeable.
Dr. Cox: Oh, dark roast.
Dr. Kelso: Dammit.
Quote from Elliot
Paul: Sorry I didn't call last night. I just crashed.
Elliot: No big deal.
Paul: See, I love how you don't let little things bother you. Like now, you've got pit stains and you're like, whatever, I'm working hard.
Elliot: What can I say? I'm an easy-going gal. [Paul walks away] Oh, my God. Oh, my God! I need deodorant and a dry top over here!
Quote from Dr. Cox
Jordan: Where's Dr. Gerson?
Dr. Cox: Up in the room with that woman.
Jordan: Well, who the hell is going to take care of me?
Dr. Cox: She's sending her resident.
Dr. Donna: Hey, happy couple. Hi, I'm Donna Berlutti, but you can call me Dr. Donna! [laughs]
Quote from Carla
Elliot: Carla, you know how I'm really crazy?
Carla: Sure, what's up?
Elliot: It's just getting so hard to hide the crazy from Paul.
Carla: I hear you, girl. I mean, Turk and I are engaged, and it was only last week when I admitted the reason I don't touch the seat in the bathroom isn't because of germs but because I'm afraid of toilet snakes.
Elliot: And now so am I.
Carla: I think the thing with men, is you just have to hold out until they're invested enough they won't run away at the first thing that spooks them.