‘My Intern's Eyes’
Season 5, Episode 1 - Aired January 3, 2006
Now an attending physician, J.D. has to oversee a group of interns on their first day, while still worrying about what Dr. Cox thinks of him. Meanwhile, Turk has seconds thoughts about getting pregnant, and Elliot starts her fellowship at another hospital.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: The Turks are sneaky. Not you guys. I think Omar took my pudding.
Quote from Elliot
Nurse: Dr. Reid? Need some help?
Elliot: I don't need anyone's help. [to the machine] Stop running!
Doctor: Doctor, do you know where the Foley caths are?
Elliot: Sir, I know where everything is. Be right back. Stupid coffee robot! Frick!
[Elliot runs out of the hospital, hops in her car, drives to Sacred Heart, parks outside and runs into a supply closet:]
Elliot: Don't sweat it. I used to hide here when I worked at this place. I'm on a fellowship now. Foley cath, please. Thanks.
[Elliot rushes out of Sacred Heart, back to her car, parks outside the new hospital, runs back inside and tries not to slip on the coffee all over the floor:]
Doctor: Thanks. Could you also grab a number six needle?
Elliot: Ahh. Frick fricky frick frick!
Quote from J.D.
Dr. Kelso: So you're going to the university for a transplant! Well, come back and see us, OK? Who the hell is responsible for not treating that man?
Dr. Cox: Well, Bobbo, I was going to treat him, but then I lost my stethoscope, and that's-
J.D.: He's my patient, Bob. I'm responsible.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I have kept my mouth shut about all the recent sexual harassment complaints because I don't think it's fair to punish a man for making small talk, or, say, asking his secretary just once to dress up as a geisha girl and call him Kelso-san.
J.D.: What?
Dr. Kelso: Nothing. But now I need to know, is this the type of attending you're going to be?
J.D.: I guess so.
Dr. Kelso: Anything else?
J.D.: [v.o.] I could tell him there's nothing in my cup and I'm pretending to drink to seem nonchalant.
J.D.: No.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: You know what I've been doing? I mean, besides listening to my Alanis Morissette CD to get pumped up to talk to you? Here. [hands Dr. Cox one of his "man cards"]
Dr. Cox: Yep.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: Listen, today if you bother me, could you do it without being around me? I have new interns starting.
Can you imagine what it's like to see this place through their eyes the first time?
Todd: Something on your shirt, kid. Oh. Ha-ha! Classic!
Jordan: Hey Sparky, it's five dollars a minute to stare in public. It's free in private, [purrs]
Dr. Kelso: You're gonna love it here, sport.
Ted: Get out while you still can. Seriously, get out while you still can.
Nurse Roberts: Junior, have you seen Johnny? You know, Alzheimer's patient, likes to tackle people? Has anybody seen Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient?
J.D.: Hey, you must be Keith. Don't look so nervous, buddy. I got your back.
Johnny: Who am I?
J.D.: [groans]
Nurse Roberts: I found him.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: Hey, guys. Follow me. Listen, if you're having trouble finding a vein for an IV, please don't page me. If you're desperate, we're lucky. This is a city hospital, there are plenty of heroin addicts who are quite adept at this. Did you find a vein, there, Reverend Mayhem?
Reverend Mayhem: No problem.
J.D.: Good work, buddy. Stay in school. Mr. Kellerman, how're you feeling?
Mr. Kellerman: Not great.
J.D.: Well, that's probably why you're here! Ha! Humor is a great icebreaker for patients, OK? Follow me.
Quote from Turk
J.D.: [v.o.] That night, since we were low on cash, Turk snuck me into the movies.
Turk: [pained] One, please!
J.D.: [v.o.] Afterwards, we talked about my living arrangements.
J.D.: Are you sure about this?
Turk: You shouldn't stay in a hotel, so stay here until you find a place.
J.D.: Carla was pretty psyched to get rid of me. Are you gonna tell here?
Turk: I don't know. What do you think?
Carla: Turk? Is that you? [thud, backpack zips]
Turk: [pained] Yes. I'll be right in, baby.
Carla: OK.
J.D.: [gasps] Dude, you left your gym shorts in here!
Turk: Look, I gotta sex her up. I'll be back as quick as I can, so it'd be about a hour and a half.
J.D.: Wait! Could you just quickly scratch my nose? Ahh. Ooh. OK. OK. Don't zip me up!
Quote from J.D.
Carla: Oh, babe, I borrowed your backpack this morning and all my change fell out.
J.D.: Maybe someone or something had to gnaw a hole in it to keep from suffocating.
Turk: Maybe someone already apologized for that about a hundred times.
J.D.: Well, maybe a 100 times wasn't enough, I don't know.
Dr. Cox: Absolutely no lovers' quarrels. [takes another card]
J.D.: Damn it!
Quote from Elliot
Carla: Elliot, you should be excited about meeting people over there. You could totally reinvent yourself.
Elliot: You're right! I'm gonna tell them I am the most perfect doctor ever who never needs anyone's help with anything!
Turk: That'll end well.