Janitor: Can there be good without evil?
J.D.: It's probably a question for your priest.
Janitor: I'm Jewish.
J.D.: Really? Shalom!
Janitor: What?
J.D.: Never mind.

Janitor: Anyway, I wanted to do something big for your departure, but nowadays my wife is taken up all my time. I wanted to spend all night in the lab, but she wanted to play cards.
J.D.: You have a lab?
Janitor: So I decided to go simple. What would you say this is?
J.D.: Seems like a really gay piece of man jewelry.
Janitor: It is. It's also the penny that you put in the door, eight years ago.
J.D.: For the last time, I did not put a penny in the door.
Janitor: Admit it!
J.D.: Oh, God! Why did you do that?
Janitor: Because I read in a book that if you surprise someone with an accusation, they're more likely to tell you the truth.
J.D.: Nah, I don't really think that's gonna work.
Janitor: Okay. Well, I'm not discouraged. You know what they say. Admit it!
J.D.: Could you stop doing that? Nothing's gonna happen.
Janitor: Don't feel bad, I'm probably doing it wrong. Admit!

J.D.: Okay, uh, I guess I'll just have to settle for handing over the ceremonial reins. Take the reins, please.
Dr. Cox: I don't want to.
J.D.: Take the reins.
Dr. Cox: I don't want the reins.
J.D.: Please, take the reins.
Dr. Cox: I'm not taking the reins.
Sunny: I can take the reins and just hold them for him.
J.D.: Feels like that'll work out for everyone. Here you go, they're heavy. This guy can pull.
Dr. Cox: No one's taking the reins.
J.D.: Well then, what am I gonna do with the reins? Reins are on the ground. Happy now?
Dr. Cox: Alright, children, tomorrow morning, I want you prepped on the endocrine system.
J.D.: At least let me pass of the torch.
Dr. Cox: Oh, for the love of God, disperse.
J.D.: [to a nurse] Can you hold this please? It's very hot.

Dr. Kelso: Well, I'm afraid all I can offer you is a handshake.
J.D.: I'll take it, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Have a great life, Dorian.
J.D.: Thank you.
Dr. Kelso: Get as much tail as you can.
J.D.: I always do, sir.
Elliot: Already threw him morning sex today.
Dr. Kelso: Atta girl!

J.D.: [v.o.] I can't believe today is my last day at Sacred Heart. I couldn't help but let my mind drift back to my very first day.
[flashback:]
Carla: Don't look at me when we are moving someone.
J.D.: Why? [bangs head]
[flashback:]
Dr. Cox: And from now on, whenever I am in the room, you're definitely not allowed to talk.
[flashback:]
Todd: Charge!
Patient: [screams]
[flashback:]
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, do you not realize that you're nothing but a large pair of scrubs to me?
[flashback:]
Janitor: You stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was just making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.
[flashback:]
J.D.: I thought we cared about each other?
Elliot: Oh please, if you don't want to sleep with me, you'd do the same thing.
J.D.: I'd tell you one thing, the last thing in the world I want to do is sleep with you now. [chuckles]
Elliot: Do me right here.
J.D.: Okay.
Elliot: See?
[present:]
J.D.: [v.o.] I won in the end though, because now she loves me and I get to have her whenever I see fit.

J.D.: [v.o.] In fact, I think I'll use this last day thing to score some morning sex.
J.D.: I can't believe today's my last day.
Elliot: No morning sex.
J.D.: Worth a try.
Elliot: We can kiss if you remember to lay out mouth wash last night.
J.D.: I did.
Elliot: Did you water it down so we can just swallow it?
J.D.: Of course, I did!
J.D.: [v.o.] Actually, I did not remembered to water it down. At all. [both grimace]
Elliot: Morning. [kisses J.D.]
J.D.: Be weirdero.

Elliot: How'd you sleep?
J.D.: Really well, actually.
Elliot: I knew it. You wanna know why? This is my bed. I had it brought here because it's so comfortable.
J.D.: You don't have a bed at your house anymore?
Elliot: Why bother, I've slept here like every night since you moved.
J.D.: So we live together?
Elliot: Kinda. I guess.
J.D.: I feel like I should've been told.
Elliot: Come on.
J.D.: I see it now. You've been sneak-moving in here for days. The clothes in the dresser, those girly pillows on the couch, this weird picture of a Vegas showgirl.
Elliot: Don't make fun of my brother Barry. And he looks very beautiful.
J.D.: They did a dynamite job on his boobs. Are those G's?
Elliot: Double D's. Plus, you are the guy who keeps asking me to bring stuff over here. Are you seriously upset?
J.D.: I am very upset, I don't even think morning sex could fix it. Although, it might.
Elliot: Fine! Do we have to move a lot?
J.D.: We never do anyway.
Elliot: True.

Ted: Finally gonna stop hanging around- [Carla kicks Ted] Finally gonna stop- [again] Finally gonna stop- [again] Oh! Thank you.
Carla: No problem. [Ted inspects the dirt] I wouldn't do that.
Ted: It's a good dirt.

Elliot: So, I actually did drift off a bit. How was the morning sex?
J.D.: I was awesome.
Elliot: Really?
J.D.: Nah, I never really got things going. My peep was sleepy.

Elliot: Hey, J.D., I know that it's your last day, but I'm not gonna say, "Goodbye" because even just saying the word a second ago is gonna make me cry.
J.D.: Okay, okay, take deep breaths, deep breaths.
Elliot: I can't catch my breath, I can't catch it, I can't catch it. Where is it? Where is it?
J.D.: Breathe it out, breathe it out.
Elliot: [pants] Okay, I'm back. Plus, I'm just gonna see you at our place tonight, okay?
J.D.: Did you just said "our place"? You are sneak-moving in.
Elliot: Your ears are playing tricks. And J.D., people should make a big deal about you leaving Sacred Heart, but don't get disappointed if it doesn't live up to expectations you have in your head, okay?