Dr. Turner: But Hooch, if the patient just has simple cellulitis, why aren't the antibiotics working?
Hooch: Damn it, Turner, it just doesn't make sense.
J.D.: [v.o.] Even though I had created a super medical crime-fighting team, I felt lousy. See, I had just told Betty that her lungs had finally given out, and that she wasn't gonna leave the hospital this time.

Turk: Couples therapy is killing me.
Todd: I don't know how you do it. Make love with your lady in front of some old dude who's filming you?
Turk: That's not couples therapy, Todd.
Todd: Then what did I do?
Turk: You did amateur porn.
Todd: Sweet.

J.D.: Hey! Look at yourself.
Turk: I've been hitting you.
J.D.: Yeah. You're like the brown Hulk.

J.D.: Hey, how's it going in here,you two?
Jake: Well, pretty good. Pretty good. We- We talked about her past. Betty even let me hear a few of her romantic trysts from her younger days. Are you familiar with Mr. David Brinkley?
J.D.: No way.
Jake: Yeah. Then when we finally got down to talking for real, well, it became pretty obvious that Betty had already made a decision.
J.D.: OK.
J.D.: [v.o.] The thing that impressed me most about Jake, besides his perfectly square head, was that he faced this whole Betty thing straight on.

J.D.: [v.o.] Of course, he wouldn't have been able to do if it weren't for his secret weapon... [out loud] Dr. John Dorian.
Jake: What?
J.D.: What?
Jake: You just said your name in a weird kind of summing up way.
J.D.: No, I didn't, Jake.
Dennis: Oh, so you're Jake. Uh, as I understand it, you just talked my sister into ending her life.
Long story short. I'm a lawyer, I'm suing you. Once again. Sister dying, brother lawyer, suing you!
J.D.: See, that's summing up in a weird way. Yeah. "Brother lawyer..." That's it.

Elliot: Dr. Cox, this is the most painful thing I've ever done, and I was a cutter for a week in high school. My shop teacher thought scars were sexy, but that's a whole other story.

Jake: Maybe I should just go talk to him.
J.D.: Forget Dennis. He's a horrible person, okay? We'll never be able to change his mind. We need to focus on Betty, okay? We'll just have her explain how she feels. Problem solved. [reads note] Betty's in a coma. You know what? I'm gonna talk to Dennis. He seems like a reasonable guy.

Elliot: Hey, Jake. How's it goin'?
Jake: Oh, I've had better days. How are you?
[flashback:]
Dr. Cox: Listen to me, Barbacious, you gotta stay the course here. You gotta keep ignoring him.
Elliot: But I'm already ignoring him. How do I ignore him more?
Dr. Cox: Ah, piece of cake. First you engage him, then you ignore him.
[present:]
Jake: Elliot? I said how are you.
Elliot: I actually don't have time for this, ok? I'm a doctor.
Jake: But you asked me how I was.
Elliot: Yeah, trying to save lives here. It's not always about you.

Dennis: I just got my sister into the hospital across town, so I can finally get her out this hell hole.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, I personally see towards that every inch of this building is up to the highest standards and codes. [rats scurry by] Well, that's just bad timing.
Janitor: Come back here! I'm sorry! Come on, fellas.

Dennis: Well, look who's back.
Jake: Look, buddy, I-- I barely know your sister, and I certainly don't know you, but like it or not, she told me what she wanted, and I'm gonna honor that. Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and stay here till I can figure out a way to make you understand that, even if I have to get myself a lawyer. [to Ted] Not you.