Elliot: I know what you're doing, sir, the whole keep-us-scared thing. Grr. [laughs] I'm OK with it.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid. Even if you hadn't just missed blinding me earlier, I still would've picked you to crap on. You see, you're easily startled, you're constantly overwhelmed. And while you work as hard as anyone here, you're still struggling to break into the middle of the pack. I chose you because I am hoping that you will ask yourself, really ask yourself, if there isn't some other profession you might be better suited for. In the meantime, be a doll and re-suture that wound.

Dr. Cox: Why are you doing this?
Jordan: I'll tell you why I'm doing this, Perry, because we've been dancing the same annoying dance for years now. One of us gets angry and walks away, and the other's too stubborn to go after them. Before you know it, you're sleeping with some toothpick-sized pharmaceutical rep, and I'm trying to convince my mom that the thing in my suitcase is a giant electric melon-baller. Well, guess what? Things are different now. We have a kid together. I'm not going home until you promise you're coming with me.
Dr. Cox: [kisses Jordan] You go home. I'll meet you there later.
Jordan: Bring dinner. You're a father. Can you believe it?
Dr. Cox: [to himself] Nope.

Dr. Kelso: Why am I not leaving, Dr. Reid? Because I don't want to miss you breaking down and weeping in front of everyone. Here it comes. Great big tears. Great big crocodile tears.
J.D.: See, if she was your daughter, you'd totally know how to handle it.
Dr. Cox: My God, you're right.
[Dr. Cox walks over, taps Dr. Kelso on the shoulder, and punches him in the face]
Dr. Cox: You're doing fine there, Barbie.
Elliot: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: Everybody have a good one. I'm going home to see my son. Excuse me there, Bobbo.
Ted: [laughs]
Nurse Roberts: [on the phone] Right in the nose. Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] That may come up tomorrow.

J.D.: Look, Mr. Groff, because it's diabetes-related, the pain in your foot isn't responding to pain killers. I'd like to try an anti-seizure medication before we even consider amputation.
Mr. Groff: Oh, good, because I have an audition for Stomp tomorrow. Look, just cut the damn thing off, will ya?

Spence: Man, that was a long time ago. I mean, now you two are engaged. And I'm in town because our two frat brothers, Schmitty and Dan, are getting married.
Carla: A double wedding?
All: No.
Carla: Oh. Good for the boys.

J.D.: What I've got you on is D-five half normal saline with 20 KCL at 100ccs an hour.
Turk: This is the Cadillac of all hangover cures.
Spence: It feels warm in my tummy.
Dr. Cox: Good morning, angels. What's did you have one too many Daiquiris last night?

J.D.: Spence, this is Dr. Cox and-
Jordan: Don't bother. Don't care.
Spence: Oh, yeah. He's the scary man you told me about last night. Hey, congratulations.
Dr. Cox: For what, jackass?
Spence: You just had a baby.
J.D.: No, no, no. She just had a baby.
Spence: Yeah, but you said it was his. And you said something else.
Turk: That he didn't know it yet.
Spence: That's exactly right.
J.D.: [v.o.] Holy crap. Run away. Run away. Run away.

Spence: Do you have any interesting patients?
Turk: Well, there's Mr. Weinberg, who has dementia but still enjoys his ronking.
Spence: What's ronking?
Mr. Weinberg: Ronk!
Spence: Interesting.

Carla: Hey, sweetness.
J.D.: Ronk.
Spence: So when do people get to yell "stat"?
Carla: Kinda never. Bambi, rounds.
J.D.: Dammit.
Spence: Run, Johnny, run. [to Carla] Just trying to add a little drama.
Carla: I felt it.

J.D.: [v.o.] This is not a good day to be late. Every year at this time, Kelso picks a resident to ride mercilessly until they crumble. The key is to jump on any easy question and impress him early.
Dr. Kelso: Right, shall we get started?
J.D.: Yes!
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me?
J.D.: Should we get started? Answer: Yes.