Janitor: Hey, we solved your stupid game.
Troy: Yeah, we've been to the li-bary!
Janitor: "Brary," Troy. Library. Anyway, two coins that add up to 30 cents, one of them not a nickel? A penny and a 1972 dime with a Roosevelt imperfection, today worth exactly twenty-nine cents.
J.D.: OK, no. Uh, the correct answer is a quarter and a nickel.
Janitor: Uh, no, 'cause you said one of them isn't a nickel.
J.D.: Right. The other one is.
Janitor: You lied to me.
J.D.: It's a riddle.
Troy: Oh, your face is red like a straw-brary.
Janitor: Don't have kids.

J.D.: I hate it that you two aren't getting along. I'd get you together to talk it out, but you're so stubborn. I'd never be able to do it on my own. Well, there is one way.
Elliot: J.D., I don't want to hear about Floating Head Doctor.
Turk: Elliot, save it. He's gone.
[fantasy: J.D.'s floating head talks to Dr. Cox:]
Dr. Cox: Fine, fine, fine. I will apologize to Elliot. I just don't know how you're ever going to get her to talk to me.
J.D.: Oh, don't you worry about that. Body! Get her!
Elliot: Hey, put me down! I'm talking to a patient here! What are you doing?
[As J.D.'s body carries Elliot down the corridor, it keeps banging her head on the door frames]
Dr. Cox: Oh! Well, she's dead.
J.D.: Stupid, stupid body! Oh, you want some of this? Too slow! A little late! Oh, nice try.
[reality:]
Elliot: J.D., don't worry about it. I'll handle it.
J.D.: [sigh]
Turk: Head fight body again?
J.D.: They two just can't get along. I don't get it.

Carla: Turk, what are you doing? You can't ride the bike.
Turk: Why not?
Carla: Because it puts too much pressure on my cervix.
Turk: Baby, I don't have a damn cervix! And how else am I supposed to exercise?
Carla: You can do everything that I do. You can have yogurt, you can listen to classical music, you can gently rub my belly.
Turk: You know what? That's it.
Carla: What's it? What do you think you're doing? [Turk gets a beer can] You better not open that. You better not- OK, but you better not drink it. Fine, but you better not enjoy it.
Turk: Ahh! [Carla slaps the beer out of Turk's hand] Did you just bitch-slap my beer?
Carla: Are you calling me a bitch?
Turk: Yes. Yes, I am. Baby, you OK?
Carla: I feel funny.

Elliot: You know, I've been thinking about it and only you could go through all that stuff you did and come out the other side the same mean-spirited jerk.
Dr. Cox: Barbie, please. They're about to show Lindsay's breakfast nook.
Elliot: In fact, in the five years that I've been here, you're the only person who hasn't changed one bit.
Dr. Cox: Well, that's not entirely true. Since the arrival of my son, I like to think I've become more patient. Plus, and I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth, I've learned that not all of Newbie's ideas are completely ridiculous. [Dr. Cox reveals his "Welcome Back Coxer" t-shirt] Do you love it as much as I do?
Elliot: Well, with me, you've never been anything but an unsupportive bastard, and you know it.

Carla: You have it on the chart he called me a bitch because he wanted to drink more alcohol, right?
Dr. Matthews: I don't really have a section for that.
Carla: Well, put it under family history, it's part of ours now.

Dr. Matthews: All you had was a little round ligament pain. It's very common. I'll meet you outside.
Turk: Babe, I'm sorry.
Carla: You know what? This was actually kind of nice.
Turk: How was this nice?
Carla: You being here with me, all concerned. Look, it just feels like ever since I got pregnant, everything's changing for me, but nothing is changing for you. So yes, you can drink. Just maybe not do it in front of me? And sometimes, when I'm reading my pregnancy book, maybe you can ask me about it? And occasionally, on a Friday night, when I'm too tired to go out, maybe you can stay in and get fat with me.
Turk: I can get fat?
Carla: The bigger you get, the tinier I'll look.

Dr. Cox: How about we just agree that we're never gonna be that close?
Elliot: We could, except for one thing. I know we have our issues, but I've always respected you. And you haven't given me more than an ounce of that since I started here.
Dr. Cox: I didn't go in that bathroom to take a leak. I went in because I was petrified that I was gonna make the wrong decision about Mrs. Goldstein. I didn't want anybody to know, because it is so very important to me people see me the way they used to. Bulletproof. And hopefully, admitting this to you will make you feel respected.
Elliot: It does. Thanks.
Dr. Cox: You're welcome.