Dr. Kelso: Hi, guys.
Carla: If you don't stop treating yourself, I'm gonna have you strapped down.
Dr. Kelso: Naughty.

Carla: And you, just give Turk the job already. He's a natural leader. Plus, I'm about to spit out a second kid, I could use the extra cash.
Dr. Cox: I knew damn sure you were gonna go ahead and make this personal. Am I supposed to give him a job because you and I are such good friends?
Carla: I wouldn't ask you if I didn't know he was right for it. Bob, who's the best all-around surgeon in this place?
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton, hands down.
Dr. Cox: Kiss more butt, Bob.
Carla: And you're giving me lip for making this personal? The only reason you're not giving Turk this job is because of your personal feelings for him.
Dr. Cox: That's just not true.
Carla: Liar.

Dr. Kelso: The Adventures of Huckleberry... The Adventures of Huckleberry...
Dr. Cox: Don't puke on me, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: [burps] Sorry. Just a burp.

J.D.: I know you're just trying to cheer me up.
Kim: No, trust me. There have been times when I wanted to tell people you're a terrible dad. But you're not. You spend tons of time with Sam, call him every night so he can hear your voice. You write him all those stories about unicorns. Seriously, how do you come up with so many?
J.D.: They just come to me and I've got to get them out, you know?
Kim: No, I don't know.
J.D.: They're magical.
Kim: No, they're not.

Kim: Whatever is making Sam cry, it's not about you. It's about him. Babies are sensitive to all kinds of things. Bright lights, temperature, new smells.
J.D.: The cologne I've been wearing to try and punish Elliot!
[later:]
J.D.: Yes! Thanks for the shower and the loaner clothes. Look at that face. It's like he got all of our best features.
Kim: No, he got your chin.
J.D.: Wow. I'm having a moment.

Dr. Cox: Bob, would you please close the back of that thing up?
Dr. Kelso: Calm down, Perry. It's for the ladies.
Dr. Cox: I'm sure they're grateful.

Dr. Cox: Hey, why did you check yourself in to the hospital for a glorified flu bug?
Dr. Kelso: In my defense, I thought I might also be dealing with some issues from eating raw starfish.
Dr. Cox: Oh.
Dr. Kelso: You know what I realized when I was treating myself? I miss being a doctor.
Dr. Cox: Well, here is your chance to get back to the game there, big guy. Am I wrong to not hire Gandhi?
Dr. Kelso: I thought it was gonna be something doctory. Of course you're wrong.
Dr. Cox: He bothers me.
Dr. Kelso: Everybody bothers you. Hell, you used to bother me when I was the Chief but I kept moving you up because you were the best man for the job. Now, the question is, "Is Turkleton the best man for the job?"

J.D.: [v.o.] There are moments in your life that make you realize what you've been missing. Whether it's an old job. Or the best person for a new job.
Dr. Cox: Congratulations. You're the new Chief of Surgery.
Carla: Say "Thank you".
Turk: Thank you.

J.D.: [v.o.] As I sat there, enjoying images from my son's young life, I realized I was seeing these moments the same way Sean and Elliot were. For the first time. But truth is, no matter how hard I tried, I was gonna miss a lot of them. Because even the best part-time father in the world is still a part-time father.
J.D.: I think I'm gonna move here.
Sean: Great.

Turk: I'm not wearing that.
Janitor: It's not up to you.
Turk: Fine. It is kinda cool.
Janitor: I want it back.
Turk: Too late! Chief coming through! Salute. There it is.
Janitor: I'll just wear my other one.