Dan: Hey, mind if I join you guys?
Dr. Cox: I think the question you should be asking is, "Mind if I diddle your ex?" Oh, and just a great big congratulations on your on-going streak of being the world's worst older brother.
Dan: Thanks, Coxy.

J.D.: [v.o.] I knew it was my turn to let Dan have it, but for some reason I wasn't mad.
J.D.: Listen, Dan-
Dan: J.D., let me explain. I came to the hospital to see you, and then I ran into Elliot and it just happened. It was a one-time thing.
J.D.: I'm okay with it.
Dan: Great, 'cause it's been going on for a few weeks. Elliot's amazing! Smart, funny, hot. I was in a dark place and she saved me, she really did. Haven't felt this good since my dad died.
J.D.: Our dad.
Dan: Right.

Turk: Hold up. When Carla and I came home yesterday, we heard something. Did you two hook up in J.D.'s room?
Dan: A friend wouldn't ask and a gentleman wouldn't tell.
Turk: Did you?
Dan: Twice! But we didn't go under the sheets out of respect.
J.D.: How thoughtful!

Carla: Sir. Sir? It is not your job to collect money from patients.
Dr. Kelso: I know, but I just fired the woman who usually does it.
Carla: You fired Glenda? Why?
[flashback to a doctor chatting with a couple holding their newborn:]
Glenda: Oh, how precious. Mind if I hold him?
Man: Go right ahead.
Glenda: [runs away] I finally got a baby!
[present:]
Dr. Kelso: She was stealing from the hospital.

Turk: Dude, you're missing a great opportunity here, man. If you act like it bothers you, Elliot'll feel guilty and she'll finally forgive you for dumping her. I'm telling you, you gotta use this like I use my diabetes. Watch. Honey? My blood sugar's dipping.
Carla: Don't move. [runs off to get a sandwich]
Turk: Thanks, sweetness.
J.D.: Oh, my God. This could be my diabetes.
Turk: Exactly. But you gotta use it before that window closes. Lucky for me, my diabetes window stays open 24/7.
J.D.: Unless, God forbid, they find a cure.
Turk: Amen, brother.

Dr. Kelso: Bye, folks. You'll notice I knocked a hundred dollars off the bill because of the, you know, baby-stealing thing.

Dr. Cox: Bob, we have a problem.
Dr. Kelso: Not now, Perry, I'm swamped. I'm trying to find an exterminator to kill the bat in my attic.
Dr. Cox: Be a man, Bob. That's what tennis rackets are for!
[flashback to Dr. Kelso in the attic with his dog:]
Dr. Kelso: Oh, good lord! He got Baxter!
[present:]
Dr. Kelso: Try telling that to my one-eared dog.

Turk: Baby, you have to take this job.
Carla: Let it go. It's done.
J.D.: [to Turk] You okay?
Turk: No. Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten this stupid diabetes.
J.D.: Hey, let's not get crazy!

Dr. Cox: Dear God, she has an actual skip in her step.
Dr. Kelso: Doesn't bother me as much as the whistling. Watch what happens.
[The whistling proves to be contagious. A patient who passed Dr. Molly Clock and started whistling then passes Ted]
Dr. Kelso: Why are you whistling, Ted? Your life is pathetic.
Ted: Right.

Dr. Cox: Well, I'm not sure moon-beam is going to break so easily. I just wish we knew something personal that would really get to her.
[late:]
Dr. Kelso: Turns out you can't go to your mom's wedding. There's too much shift-switching going on here and I don't like shift-switching. It's too hard to say.
Dr. Cox: Aw, that wasn't very soft and creamy.
Dr. Molly Clock: It's okay. He has a hospital to run, I understand. [whistles, everyone else joins in]
Dr. Cox: Good God. She can't be stopped.