J.D.: Come on. What's going on?
Turk: They're gonna publish my old therapy paper.
J.D.: [v.o.] There it was. He wanted a hug, and I damn sure wanted to give him one. But all we could do was say this...
Both: Congrats.
Turk: Thanks, man.
J.D.: [v.o.] Don't look back. Fight it. Fight it. Damn it, you're only human.
J.D.: Turk!
[Turk runs towards J.D. from the opposite direction]
Turk: I ran all the way around.
[As J.D. and Turk hug, "Guy Love" plays]
J.D.: People are gonna look.
Turk: What people?

Dr. Kelso: Donny, muffin, please? [catches muffin] Not bran. [catches another] Better. What do you want?
Janitor: I'm getting ready to torture nurse chest whiskers. But it's her word against mine, so I need you to verify yesterday's incident.
Dr. Kelso: What incident? I wasn't even here yesterday.
Janitor: You were there.
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me. [into his muffin] What? Shh. [whispers] He's standing right here.
Janitor: [whispers] Me?
Dr. Kelso: [normal voice] Okay, I'll tell him. My muffin thinks you're crazy, and she wants you to go.
Janitor: [normal voice] You tell your muffin that I think she's crazy. Maybe she should go.
Dr. Kelso: No.
Janitor: What is happening to me? [exits]
Carla: [to Dr. Kelso] Nice job.

Elliot: Oh, my god, Caitlin, that baby's beautiful. [sniffs] Ham baby.

Carla: Mm. What? Oh, hell, no. Gotcha.
Janitor: Holy mackerel.
Carla: Oh, my God. This can't get any worse.
Dr. Kelso: That is one long-ass booby hair.

J.D.: Okay, well, then let's cut the leukemia sketch.
Turk: Dude, no! That sketch is gold.
J.D.: Well, if they're not naked, they're just sad and dying. What's funny about that?
Turk: We make 'em British.
J.D.: Good save. It's back in, but only because this man is a comic genius.
Turk: I have been called the black Wayne Brady.

Elliot: Hey, Briana, Mrs. Tarasi. Just wanted to introduce you to Sunny and Denise. They're the interns who'll be covering the floor today.
Briana: Oh, cool. If you guys give me your cell numbers, I can text you if I need anything?
Mrs. Tarasi: These kids with their texting and their cell phones. Our generation never had that stuff.
Elliot: Yeah. I just kind of feel like, I don't know, there's three generations in the room right now.
Sunny: If you want to instant message me, my screen name is SunnyHoneyBunny.
Denise: Of course it is.
Mrs. Tarasi: Do you have teenagers?
Elliot: How old do you think I am?!

Elliot: Okay, Briana, your chest x-ray looks good. We should be able to get you home tomorrow. I'm just gonna go talk to your mom about some changes in your medication.
Sunny: Aren't moms the greatest? My mom bought me these scrubs last week just because. Oh, and this morning I found this little note. It says, "you're super special."
Denise: If that's what moms do, I'm glad I never met mine.

Briana: I love my mom, but I wish she would ease up a little. I mean, I know I'm sick, but not all the time, And she still never lets me leave the house. You know, I've never had a date. It's like she's so freaked out about me dying that she won't let me have a life.
[Sunny tries to give Briana her mom's cheerful note]
Denise: She doesn't want your stupid note.
Sunny: You don't know that.

Elliot: Briana should totally get to live her life. I'm gonna go talk to her mom. But you guys gotta do me a favor. She's really starting to get in my head With this whole "we're the same age" thing. So I'm just gonna start throwing out numbers, and you guys stop me whenever I get to the age you think I look like, okay? 22, 23, 24, 25, 25, 25- You know what? This is a really stupid game, okay? Aren't you guys late for some sketch show?

Howie: Hey, I'm the Todd. Wow, looks like we got a full house. I got a full house in my pants. Boom!
Katie: [British accent] Hello, I'm Dr. Beardface.
J.D.: I was up all night sewing.
Dr. Beardfacé: My beard is only this big.
Dr. Kelso: Lighten up, Seymour. I took my lumps.